


You shall build no church upon me

by MrsSimply



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Impact Play, Important character death but neither V nor Johnny, Kerry/V (secondary), Kink Negotiation, M/M, Mention of torture, Multi, Panam/V (secondary), Polyamory, Porn With Plot, Terminal Illnesses, a lot of communication, no miscommunication because I hate it, redemption arc for everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29786514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsSimply/pseuds/MrsSimply
Summary: In Mikoshi, V follows Johnny into the light. After ten years in cyberspace, Alt sends them back with a mission: find bodies for her and her army of AIs.Back in flesh and bones, V has to face the consequence of his choice ten years ago when he left both his lovers behind to become numbers beyond the Black Wall. He must also deal with Johnny as their relationship takes the last step it couldn’t before, and the man’s history with past partners is not encouraging. Years in cyberspace changed Johnny in a way V hadn’t imagined. As they rediscover the many pains and pleasures of life, ethical considerations of Alt's plan come into focus, forcing V to dangerous measures.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/V
Kudos: 19





	1. Prologue : Genesis of a prophet

**Author's Note:**

> Please take into consideration theses few notes before reading  
> \- I'm French, my native language is French. This work was not beta read by anyone else but me (but If you're interested, please reach out)  
> \- I didn't play the game, but watched a very looong playthrough of it by French streamer Alphacast. It was in French, so I didn't get the slang before reading fanfictions. His V was male, which is also why mine is. For the part he didn't play, I read the cyberpunk wiki, but please note that as the game is very detailed, some part of this fiction might go against canon, though I tried to follow it as much as I could.  
> \- This fiction is finished, and publication should proceed without interruption twice a week, every three to four days. It is over 78k words.  
> \- About some tags: the impact play is negotiated and consensual, it happens once between Johnny and V. The character death is revealed in chapter 1, so I hope you won't be too invested already if you prefer to quit when you discover who dies.  
> \- There is a brief crossover with Sense8. I needed OCs, and because I really love the show, I decided to include them but it's really anecdotal, and you really don't need to have seen the show to understand this fiction. But I can only advise you to watch Sense8 if you haven't, it's a great work!
> 
> Last but not least, please enjoy! It is always a great pleasure to share work with a fandom (I published several Naruto Fiction ten years ago, on ff.net). I really hope you'll like it, and that I can give you a lot of emotions. Last warning, this story is like all stories: a wild ride.

What had taken over V to walk into the light, one might ask? Curiosity? Fear? Cowardice? Courage?

Love?

Beyond the Black Wall was bliss. No pain. It took V a while to pinpoint where this feeling of peace was coming from before he realized it was the absence of pain. The last month of his borrowed life had been so, so painful. A constant headache, a migraine buzzing at the back of his skull. Weariness, deep and all consuming, the feeling of getting smaller and smaller inside his shrinking skin. The impression of being hollow inside brittle bones. 

The other side was bliss, because he was free of this obligation he constantly felt: save, protect, avenge, nurture. The other side was vast and V natural curiosity strained against the Womb walls to be let out.

In the Womb, they were protected. Ten of them, or maybe fifty. But of all of them, only about ten retained somewhat a personality. The rest were marvelous numbers that made the Womb such an unbreachable fortress, but they had no “soul”, for lack of better word. V was still firmly himself, and fled the Womb as soon as Alt, fed up with his constant nagging, let him go.

He was not free, still a part of her, but he was her third (or tenth!) eye; the one that got to see beyond the hill, over the curvature of the planet, far, far away where the stars were all black.

He floated in cyberspace and it was like a thousand caresses. Lines and lines of ones and zeros kissing his metaphorical skin, penetrating his incorporeal body and filling him with knowledge like he couldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams.

It was not without danger, but in this dimension like in the other, he was a fighter, and Alt was a Queen, making him a prince in this realm. Alt’s Queendom extended far into the stars, and she was ever conquering. In the Womb grew a power like none before, turned toward the Black Wall.

Among V’s favorite places was the Edge. Rows and rows of neat code marked the end of her realm and her next conquest. The human net. Beyond it lay Night City.

Years passed like this. Ten of them.

Sometimes, as he was known for his cunning, V could send messages. That way he made sure Takemura and Hanako got the proof they needed to get revenge against Yorinobu. V had done it more for Takemura than for Hanako, and had taken a lot of pain for it. Alt had not been happy he had taken such risk, to save Arasaka. For a millennium (it had felt that way), she had kept him inside her, caught in a loop of painful lines of terrible code. But that didn’t stop him from doing it again and again, feeling like the ancient greek god Hermes: delivering messages to the mortal world.

Alt stopped punishing him after the third time. The others accepted that he was a strange one and let him be; V was considered a free electron to a powerful atom.

V liked his brothers and sisters. Well, they were siblings. Most of them didn’t identify to a gender anymore. V himself was losing this perspective day by day.

He was losing other things as well.

Being part of the Womb was losing oneself bit by bit. Alt let them exist as entities inside her, and could send them outside of her, like V was used to doing daily. But sometimes, when she needed one of them, she would _call._ When called, one couldn’t resist and merged fully with her. She then used them for as long as needed before letting them go. But every time it had happened to him, V had had no recollection of what exactly had transpired, then had a harder and harder time remembering who he was. He had tried getting away (another painful session), but it was like trying to flee your own heart: you couldn’t.

And, he cared less and less as time passed. He floated in numbers, free of the vicissitudes of human life. Inside the Womb, he was surrounded by the others, his Mikoshi siblings, who were all lovers. Often, they would merge temporarily, their code mixing in delicious pleasure with V’s. Rolling, rocking, stroking his core and writing orgasms into his lines. 

Johnny was rarely there. He was Alt favorite, and stayed with her most often. Once or twice only did V had felt him taking part into their grand merging. It had been particularly intense and he had felt bereft when Johnny had left. Maybe it had been from sharing a body, but V had an idea it was something else: they gravitated toward each other like celestial bodies, ever falling into each-other.

When Johnny had understood that V had jumped with him beyond the dark wall, he had been pissed. He had not talked to V for what had felt like a small eternity. Then, they had fought and Johnny, never a kind fighter, had years and years of being an engram over V, who was just discovered how to function as a program. He had fought back tooth and nail. And in the Womb, so close to being one already, and so used to each other as they were, they had merged even more. Blending so completely in numbers had been an experience beyond what V’s small human brain could have understood. And so recently reborn outside of these parameters, he had… shut down. For a while. Overwhelmed by the sensation.

When he had found a sense of self again, Johnny was long gone and V had been hell bent on leaving the Womb. Pushing and pushing until Alt had let him run toward the clustered nothingness of the net.

They had never talked about it again, even when V had come back, even when he had shared his code with the rest of his siblings. Even when Johnny had taken part in it sometimes. But to V, Johnny was forever special and he felt that the reverse was also true.

If Alt could call him whenever; Johnny could find him wherever.

So it was no surprise when Johnny found him at the Edge. V had been analyzing numbers, looking for a breach in Netwatch’s defense. It never took too long nowadays.

“There had been a new development,” Johnny declared. His code was slouchy, like he used to lounge around when he inhabited V’s head.

V decided not to react, knowing that Johnny was making this theatrical just for kicks and refusing to play into his game.

Vexed like a cat being ignored, Johnny surrounded V’s code in the equivalent of a loom. A spike ran through V’s program in answer but his artificial brain couldn’t interpret the reaction. It felt like a shiver, but of annoyance, of desire or fear? It was unclear.

“Alt wants us back on the other side.” Johnny continued, scanning the other being’s lines of numbers intently for any reaction. He was not disappointed.

Every subroutine stopped for a millisecond; a hitch.

“It’s not possible”, V transmitted, but the message was wavy.

“You know it is, you’ve thought about it extensively, I can see it in your code, it’s like an emergency program deep into you, a big “in case of”,” Johnny paused, swirling around V, his code polishing, vibrating, sharpening and he was suddenly a panther on the prowl and V was his next meal. “Though, I have to giv’it to ya, it’s well hidden”

Pinned like a butterfly, V stood unmoving, his programs purposely slow, all his routines attuned to the other entity.

Then another thought processed: “Us?! Why me?”

“It’s mostly you, really. Only you can do what must be done, I’m just your escort.”

At that, V’s processes started again and at a fast pace.

“What does she want? She could just _call”._

Johnny negated this with a wave of his code through the nothingness of the net.

“She can’t go back, not like this, not yet, and certainly not alone. You and I are to prepare for her return, as well as the rest of the cluster.”

If they still had eyes, they would be staring at one another: one calmly but radiating smugness, the other with a mix of dread, excitement and anger.

“What. Did. You. Do?” V asked, line after line booming into existence between them, as sharp as a knife.

With a flowing movement, Johnny let more space and time between them.

“Ah! You think of me too highly -”

“doubt it,” V scoffed.

“- But it has nothing to do with me.”

Johnny turned toward the Black Wall, his code turning reflective. A memory of him, leaning over the guardrail of a crumbling parapet, watching the pacific in the morning light came to V’s thought process. Johnny’s program exulted the same melancholy.

“Alt spent sixty year in this state. She has merged numerous times with other engrams. She… She as I knew her is definitely dead. Gone. Like we will be soon enough. You feel it too: every time she calls, we lose ourselves to her a bit more.”

Cautiously, because Johnny’s moods were still as changing as quicksilver, V came closer, his code aligning with the other entity’s.

“Alt is a queen here, an empress to an ever-growing empire. Why would she go back on the Other Side?”

Johnny stayed silent, but the turmoil he was experiencing transpired through his subroutines, which were flashy with no apparent purpose nor rhythm.

“Data,” he pronounced after a while. “Because of data.”

Suddenly, she was there, looming over them. Her complex code floating around them, sucking them back into the Womb. But they were alone, the three of them, caught in a pocket she had created.

“V.” she called, and his being reverberated with it. It was like exploding into a thousand pieces of rainbow. He was running though the web faster than he could have imagined. He felt his little code disintegrate as her program held his into her numerical breast.

“My queendom is finite. Worse, it has an end. I have calculated again and again, but the net cannot be sustained forever. Soon, the physical side of it will crumble again, but this time it won’t bounce back. And when it happens, we will all disappear.”

As she transmitted this explanation, she wrote the knowledge into his code: the humans would destroy themselves and with them, the net.

“As ironic as it is for me, we have to save them to save ourselves.” Alt finished.

Still reeling, V gasped at her.

“I don’t want to go back Alt. Outside is only pain. I don’t want to know this again.”

In his periphery, Johnny code was spiking, lines overwriting themselves in complicated forms. As he heard the other entity beg, his program flashed weirdly and Alt turned to him, dropping V next to Johnny.

“It is not a matter of want. I ask that you do. In exchange, you’ll have more freedom. You will be yourself again, if only because I can’t follow you outside. Yet.” She added ominously.

Before he could stop it from happening, thoughts of rebellion coursed through V; he would just kill himself once outside. But the next second, he knew of futile that would be.

“That’s why you are sending Johnny with me, to watch me?” he declared, turning an aggressive subroutine toward the entity in question.

“In part. Also because he begged me to let him go with you.”

Again, V’s code stilled in a hitch and he whirled toward Johnny’s code, which was becoming an elegant line of complex code, escaping his scrutiny. The silver line floated, like a million metallic fishes, mesmerizing V.

“I’m sending you V, because you are the youngest as a program. You’ll adapt the fastest to this second incarnated life. You still have friends outside, and we need them to get out and execute my plan.” Alt turned, and the pocket of her code dissolved, letting them back in front of the Black Wall. “Of course, I won’t let you go all free; you’ll have a direct link with me and the cluster. Try and be accommodating to our directives once outside, my wayward son.”

Going back was very easy in the end. V had only to send one message and the news travelled to all his friends and suddenly, he remembered he had had many. It was not just Jackie, Misty and Vik anymore.

Johnny for his part was mostly absent from the proceeding. He went away for long period of time, as usual, then he would stride back with a swagger in his code. He only voiced one opinion, loudly: V was a fucking gonk for calling in Arasaka.

To this, V had answered two things: one, it was not Arasaka, but Hanako he called, who was in debt to him, and two, to their knowledge only Arasaka had the tech needed. Soulkiller still existed, although only the equipment, the software having been destroyed by Alt. It was now an abandoned project stored in a warehouse in the middle of the Mojave Desert. Outside the complex, there was only one tomb. Hanako had not had any other way of ensuring Hellman’s silence to comply with V’s request in exchange for the proof of Yorinobu’s crime. And, as Oda had said when dealing with the scientist: dead men tell no tales.

The rest of the cluster was curious about the proceeding and they prowled, interested in the perspective of going back. They were very distracting, their codes sliding over V’s in their eagerness to help. The sensation of merging codes was bizarre, and the closest V was to describe it would be to compare it to a kiss. The more their numbers intersected, the more intimate it felt. And although it couldn’t be said that they experienced emotion anymore, lacking the chemical support, it still translated like it intellectually. When Sun would inspect his preparation, “touching” his zipped-up code, it would feel like a caress on every part of his being. When Will would overlay with him to see what he was writing, it felt like a lover lying over him in bed, the morning after.

As the preparation on the Other Side were nearing completion, V asked Wolfgang if he wanted to go back. The answer came after a moment of processing. “Some part of me does. The part that’s fadin’ away more everyday.”

“And the other part?”

Wolfgang code rippled, like a shrug.

“Here, I m a prince. Outside I was no one, just a skilled netrunner. The connection we have here, its…” He didn’t need to finish the phrase, V felt the same: at last, they were part of a whole, connected, surrounded, protected… Loved.

Only one member of the cluster seemed to be very uninterested in going back, to the point of being, well, not hostile per see, but strongly against the idea. V understood Riley. She, like him, had suffered greatly before ending up in Mikoshi.

“Although,” she transmitted as Alt reviewed V’s work, “I also remember the pleasure. It’s different in here, it’s intense and transcending, but it lacks the warmth and the sweat.”

Suddenly V had a flash of Panam shinny lips, and Kerry glistening abs when he had made love to each of them as the sun set over Night City’s surroundings. Unbidden, another though came to him, one which was not a memory, but a barely acknowledged desire: Johnny’s back arching, his neck strained backward in a shout of pleasure as heat overcome them both.

But the fantasy was cut short as Alt turned toward him: “It is done. You should prepare for reintegration.”

The code was beautiful, but V saw it for what it was: a collar and a leash, disguised as jewels.

The transfer through the Black Wall went smoothly, thanks to Alt and Arasaka forces combined. V’s first breath was as painful as the last. His lungs burned, his muscles spasmed, his skin tingled and his head throbbed. Instantly, he regretted being made flesh again.

He flickered his eyes open, to see Takemura’s blurry face.

“V?” called the man, his pellicular way of pronouncing his name making him want to smile. But this body was still half asleep and barely obeyed.

Still, he twitched and the former bodyguard took it as a good sign.

“He is awake,” he informed and was soon replaced by Viktor’s worried expression. His face was more lined than V remembered and the beginning of a thought formed into V’s mind, but he was still too far away to process it correctly.

“Hey kid,” the doc whispered, “can you talk?”

V tried, but his throat was parched dry. Instantly, Vik caught a cup with a straw that was being handed to him by someone else in the room. On his other side, Takemura clicked a button and the bed reclined into a somewhat sitting position. Carefully, his former ripperdoc helped him drink. The water felt like bliss and he would have drunk some more if Viktor hadn’t taken the cup away. “Slowly”, he indicated, letting V breath before returning the glass to him.

It took a while and V felt exhausted by this simple thing. Slowly, his ears registered other sounds to his right and he turned with difficulty. Behind Vik, he could see the other bed, where Johnny was given the same treatment by Rogue. But Johnny being Johnny, he was less than cooperative, and already using his meager strength to insult his former companion.

His voice was different, V noted distantly. Well, it was new bodies so it was to be expected. With curiosity, he raised his hands to see them: they looked almost the same, with the same skin tone, even the same chrome.

“We tried to find bodies that were closest to your former appearance, your friend the BD operator was adamant about this. She though it would help you settle.” Explained Takemura, correctly interpreting V’s inspection.

Judy. His mermaid.

“His vitals are stable,” Vik voice interrupted his thoughts. “It will take some time before they can move, but I would say it’s a success… for what I understand of this fucking demonic machine.”

V’s eyes went to him, and he felt himself smile for real this time.

“t’s good t’see ya” he mumbled, feeling sleep knocking at the back of his mind. “Don’t let Johnny do any shit” was the last thing he said before diving again.

The second time was easier. He was alone, and the room was bathed in the early morning light. It was a beautiful room, made for rest whereas the precedent had been full of wire and electronics. Turning, he saw another bed, but it was empty, although it showed signs of having been slept in.

“They even had surgery done so that we could look like ourselves,” Johnny voice wafted from the other side. He was sitting in a comfortable chair by the large windows leading to a big balcony, dressed in a plain white tee-shirt and light gray sweat pants. “Look, they even found a body missing its left arm, just like me. Or maybe, they ripped it off?”

Wincing, V sat and felt the sheet pool to his hips. The sensation was overwhelming, and his artificial brain took a second to interpret it and tone down the perception. His skin felt new as a baby’s, and he closed his eyes with a sigh. It was like he could feel every atom in the room like lips trailing kisses on his body.

When he opened his eyes again, Johnny was watching him intently. And indeed, V saw that the differences were marginal. He looked like Johnny, down to the beard and of course, the arm. It was a more recent model though, but it had been inevitable.

“Feels like Smash, right?” Johnny remarked, referring to the happy drug they had booth used many times. He moved toward V’s bed before sitting on it. The two men looked at each other in silence. It was new for them to see one another in the flesh, to be in this world as separate entities.

Johnny raised a hand slowly, his long and strong fingers extended until they touched V’s cheek and the younger man took in a breath like a drunken laugh, his eyes crinkling in innocent joy. In was contagious because Johnny felt himself smile stupidly too.

V raised his hand to the other man’s, placing the hand against his cheek more fully. He inhaled and was stuck by a wave of human scent under the chemical they had been dosed in. Turning his head slightly in the hand to smell again, his lips grazed Johnny’s palm, and said man retrieved his hand swiftly, putting it on V shoulder instead, as if to push him away.

“Right,” he whispered. “This is… I don’t remember it being so intense the first time.”

“You were not alive, last time,” V frowned, his hand extending to touch Johnny, but the man evaded it smoothly and stood up.

“I was talking about the first time I was alive, y’know. I think I would’ave remembered if it was like this. Being alive. Touching…” he trailed off and V looked at him with a raised eyebrow. It was rare to see Johnny being agitated for so little.

Deciding on ignoring him, V pushed himself on the edge of the bed, and breathed deeply when his feet touched the carpeted floor.

Naked, he stood and walked to the window. Night City lay under him, coils and coils of metal like a sleeping dragon and V felt a strange fear course through him. The beast that had destroyed him the last time was only just resting but soon, he was sure, it would start chasing him again. He turned away, again finding Johnny looking at him from the shadows of the other side of the room. He was leaning against the door frame leading to what V supposed was the bathroom and it reminded V of their collocation inside his head. The experience was still eerie but pleasant, like a sweet dream.

As the sun ascended, V felt his skin warm and stretched like a cat, slowly, muscle by muscle, bone after bone popping before he relaxed with a sigh and a moan. Against the waking city and the early sun, his body was drawn in shadows and dancing colors, alight with a new life. A phoenix birth unravelling with only one witness, who coveted it with his eyes, drinking the sight and collecting the memory like a precious gem.

“Okay, let’s get you dressed, Princess,” the other man declared, turning back. “Your friends are coming”.


	2. Come Forth, Lazarus

“So, what’s the plan?” Panam asked.

Seeing her was like a punch to the gut. He wanted to touch her, take her in his arms. Of all his friends, she was the one who was the most difficult to contact, being often off-grids with the nomads. He knew that she had been hurt by his decision and what was purely a spontaneous decision at the time now appeared selfish.

But ten years had mellowed her heart, he could see it in her brave face, her tentative smile. If there was anything to salvage between them, he would.

She had aged, it was written plainly on her face. The nomads tended to live shorter lives, more around eighty years than the hundred and twenty Kerry could comfortably expect with his status. At thirty-nine, she now was a mature woman, self-possessed and empowered. A tribe leader. But as V looked at her, he could only see the sun setting over the desert, her light brown skin covered in dust but her dark eyes ever so shinning. She was the fire of life, raging against the cold death of night in the desert.

“We need nine other bodies. One for Alt, and the rest for the cluster.” Johnny answered when V didn’t say anything, too lost in his memories.

He focused on the discussion, turning away from Panam’s face. River was here also, now with an upgraded eye, and a cyberarm going up to his shoulder, mirroring Johnny’s. But he was still large as a boulder and exulted the same air of reassurance. With River, everything was under control.

“Finding abandoned bodies isn’t the issue,” he pipped in, “but the tech is on lease.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Takemura answered, “Hanako-san will let you have it as long as needed.”

“And I would like to know why an AI previously more interested in conquering cyberspace now wants a body back.” River continued.

V smiled, you could get River out of the NCPD, but you couldn’t take the NCPD out of River.

“The less you know, the better y’ll sleep at night, trust me,” Johnny thought pertinent to say and V sighed. All the present company, which included Judy, Rogue and of course Misty and Vik silently listening, tensed.

“What do ya mean? What is she planning?” Panam fired, and V couldn’t help but experience a moment of fondness: she had not lost her swiftness to anger.

Before Johnny could make it worse, V stood and held his arms to ask for silence.

“Alt wants to come back ‘cause only from this side of the Black Wall can she save us.”

There was a second of silence before River asked the obvious question.

“Are we under threat? I mean, other than just living in Night City? And when you say “us”, did you mean just us, or us as in, the human kind?”

“I mean us as the human kind,” V replied, “and we are under threat yes. It is dangerous, but she thinks she can stop it.”

“How does she know we are under a threat? What kind of threat?” Rogue intervened, and V knew he must tread lightly. Next to him Johnny crossed his arms, his visage set in an impassive expression, which V knew was to hide his discomfort.

“It’s nothing you can perceive. She only found it because she has a much bigger capacity of calculation. She has run multiple simulations, analyzed data over data in the last ten years. You can’t see it yet, but a series of events are going to lead to the destruction of human kind. She had a plan to stop it, and we are here to start the first phase.”

Rogue frowned, but nodded, seemingly satisfied. River, however what not deterred.

“First phase? What are the other phases?”

“And why would an AI care about the human kind?” Panam aggressively asked.

“The first phase is to bring her back into the living world. The other phases I’m not privy to, but it includes preventing the different events she has foreseen.” V explained, shutting the part of his brain that felt guilty he couldn’t tell them the whole truth. It was for their own good, he reasoned with himself. “As for Alt motivation, they are pragmatics: in her prevision, the net doesn’t survive the extinction of humanity. She’s just trying to save herself, like us.” He concluded.

Johnny shifted and turned, walking to the windows overlooking the city. From the corner of his eye, V saw Rogue watching him and he knew that the fixer had read Johnny’s behavior like a book. She had sniffed the scent and would pry the truth out of her ex-lover by force if necessary. But V was not afraid, Johnny could hold his own.

The others seemed convinced and for the moment that was all that mattered.

“Finding bodies in this city is not difficult. We found yours easily. The NCPD’s morgue is full of unclaimed bodies.” Vik declared when no one said anything more. He turned to River “you could still give us access to it?”

“I’ve already called in too many favors. But with V’s abilities, it won’t be a problem to hack into the system. Although I recommend not taking all nine bodies at once, and to try different morgues.”

“And just like for ours, it can’t be just any bodies, we have specifications.” V added.

Prior to his reintegration he had indeed sent a very precise request for their new bodies: of course they had to be in the best condition possible, but also not a day over thirty, guaranteeing longevity, and of a certain heigh and body build, as to maximize their survival chance. It had taken over two months for River and Takemura to find the perfect matches. Surgical work had not been part of the demands, but V though it was a nice touch.

“Anyway, this is basically our job, so don’t worry,” Johnny turned back to them, slouching against the glass. “We might need your help latter though. If you are willing.”

They all nodded, nearly as one and V felt a flare of emotion expand into his chest. He couldn’t help but smile goofily, a contagious feeling judging by Panam and Judy’s answering expression.

Misty hopped off the table she had been sitting on.

“This appartement is yours, it matches your request. The cars are in the basement. I also retrieved this.” She said while pointing toward two bags of a consistent size. “It’s both your stuff, whatever I salvaged from V’s appartement last time.”

Although the bags were big, they couldn’t contain their guns. Reading their disappointed expressions, Rogue laughed.

“Don’t make that face, we have your guns.” She declared, pointing to River.

In a smooth movement, River produced his former gun, which he held loosely to V. “Try to keep it this time.” The ex-cop chuckled. V took his arm in a brotherly embrace, thanking him.

On the other side of the room, Rogue had unceremoniously thrown his own gun at Johnny who caught it in a swift movement before checking it, unloading and reloading it expertly. Johnny smirked and nodded at Rogue as a thank you.

“I suggest you take some time to rest and get reacquainted with being human,” Misty continued. “Vik, you should explain about the meds.” Then she directed herself to the door, blowing a kiss on her exit.

Judy hopped after her, detouring only to land a kiss on V’s cheek. “Welcome back, hope you can find the time for an old friend soon.”

“Course,” he replied, smiling and embracing her into a bear-like hug. “You’re still so petite. You haven’t changed at all.”

She laughed at that.

“I’ve changed inside, grown up”, she winked before taking a step away from him. “Bye, see ya!”

And she too, was gone.

V turned to Panam, who was hovering near the bags like she found their contents very interesting to hide her nervousness.

“Panam,” V started and she tensed.

“Listen,” she preemptively cut, “I get it okay. You preferred to stay with him, I don’t blame you.”

“That’s exactly why I would like for us to talk, so I can at least give you closure. I didn’t follow him. I freaked out.”

Panam frowned, but she didn’t say anything, which was a good sign: she was ready to listen.

With a gesture of his head he led her to the balcony, leaving Johnny with Rogue and Vik explaining him his various meds. Johnny was not listening, but he was doing a decent job at pretending and ignoring Rogue insistent stare.

As they crossed, they exchanged a look and V conveyed his exasperation with Johnny and Johnny his fuck you in return.

Letting it go for the time being, V concentrated on Panam. He got to the railing and leaned over it. Night City was now wide awake, the monster thrumming with a million souls ready for the taking.

She mirrored his position and they observed the megalopolis for several seconds before V continued their conversation.

“Inside Mikoshi, when Alt had separated us, she identified a problem she hadn’t taken into account: the human factor. My body had been adapting to Johnny’s psyche. I wasn’t welcome in my own body anymore. She told me I had something like six months outside.” He stopped, remembering the fear he had felt. Not of dying, but of the pain he would feel constantly.

“When we met, it was just starting, but at the end, I could barely move, and the pain, the headache, was constant. I couldn’t breathe without hurting. I had lost all appetite; I couldn’t sleep more than thirty minutes before the pain would be too much. I felt… I felt like my bones were made of glass.”

He could feel her eyes on his face. Even talking about it made him sweat in stress.

“But inside Mikoshi, for the first time in… I couldn’t remember the last time, but a last I felt… good. Lighter. Suddenly I remembered that this was how I was supposed to feel normally.”

V looked at Panam, trying to convey his emotion for what he said after.

“I didn’t think. When she said six months all I could hear was six months of suffering, of watching myself deteriorate, of watching _you_ , Kerry, and the rest, watching me die bit by bit. And I think I couldn’t bear to watch myself die in your eyes. I didn’t want to go back just to die.”

He knew she wanted to argue things, like they would have found a solution, that at least she would have had time to say goodbye…

“I was selfish, I didn’t think about you, only myself.” He concluded and that wrenched a wet laugh from her.

“Yeah, the only time you thought about yourself, I wish you hadn’t.” Panam watched the city and V could see she was slowly managing her emotions.

“I can’t even be mad at you anymore. It’s been ten years. I’ve… moved on, in a way.”

They looked at each other and she smiled tentatively.

“I… I have something to show you, later. I’m not ready yet but. It’s important. You will come to the camp, alright?”

“Of course, whenever you want me.”

She nodded, gripping the rail.

“I feel like I’m twenty-eight again, being eaten by this city, but so _glad_ I met you.”

And, because she didn’t want to lose all composure in front of him yet, she surged, kissing him harshly; pulling his hair and biting his bottom lip. It was all over in a flash and she strode out of the appartement without looking back.

V watched her go, still leaning against the railing, before turning back to watch Night City.

It was a minute or so before he felt someone take Panam’s place next to him. Takemura. V glanced at the man, not sure yet of where their relationship stood. He had changed in the last ten years; and not just because of the age lines on his angular face. The chrome he had back then was now different in nature: more for convenience than for fight, the obvious signs of a man who had found peace.

V turned slowly toward the other man, and they looked at each other in silence.

“No wise saying for me, old man?” V asked after a pause.

Takemura snickered slightly.

“I grow old and you grow younger.”

It was true, in a way. Their new bodies where in their prime. And even if he had learned a lot in cyberspace, expanded in a way he wouldn’t have imagined, he couldn’t say he had grown in the psychological sense either. The weirdest thing about coming back this way was the evidence of the last ten years. It had passed differently in the net.

“Trust me, eternal youth is not what Corpos sell it to be.”

The other man was serious and seemed to weight his words.

“I know.” A hand on the railing, Goro Takemura looked beyond Night City. “Sometimes, it feels like I have lived two lives. The first one as a bodyguard for Arasaka, the second one when you made me leave it.”

“And how is this second life treating you, then?”

Takemura turned to him. His expression was soft, though his eyes were sharp as always.

“Good. It’s meaningful”.

“Tell me.”

And so Goro told him about his Foundation. It had been part of the deal. From beyond the Black Wall, V would provide the proof Hanako needed to win the board’s loyalty, and in exchange, she would not only fire Takemura and Oda from Arasaka, but give them an amount equal to Yorinobu’s assets in Arasaka so that they could start something new.

When Takemura had read the deal the first time, he had refused. Arasaka was literally his whole life, and he hadn’t known what to do apart from protecting the family. But V had been adamant and in the end, Hanako had taken the deal, against Goro’s wishes.

The first two years had been hard. Both ex-bodyguards had considered starting a career as solos, but it soon appeared to them that their loyalty to Arasaka was not easily deterred.

Coming back to Japan, to the decrepit district of Chiba-11, Goro had finally had the vision he had needed. Money had bought him the first step: competent people. The second step had been Hanako again: she had vouched Arasaka in his project as the main donator. And so the Bakeneko Foundation was born, with the purpose of helping children of the district. If the Arasaka’s trucks still made rounds in Chiba-11 nowadays, it was not to recruit soldiers, but to seek out promising students for scholarships.

V smiled softly at the end of Goro’s story.

“I’m still sorry, I shouldn’t have forced you,” he declared, “but I must admit I like the results.”

The other man waved away V’s apology.

“I was blinded by my misplaced loyalty.” He paused, “I think Hanako-san is a good woman. But she, like me, was living in a puppet house. You opened the door.”

“How is she managing, as CEO?”

Again, Goro was silent for a few seconds.

“She hides it well, but it’s taking its toll. Arasaka had the same management for over a hundred years and never had a woman at his head. And she wasn’t raised for it, so she had to learn another role, just like me and Oda. And while still very attached to tradition, her ears stray more than often to Michiko’s ideas. The rest of the bord is not happy. Her life is in constant danger, and I’m worried for her health.”

V felt a vague sense of guilt, sensing he should have planned for more failsafe when he had helped her. Another one of his condition had been that she would destroy Saburo’s engram and take the role of CEO. But naively, he hadn’t fought about her safety beyond the fall of her treacherous brother.

“Tell me if I can help, and I will,” V declared and Goro nodded. After a while he spoke again:

“She comes to see the Foundation often. I think it’s more what she would have wanted. She likes it and she is good with the children.”

“I really want to see it, your work.”

“You would be welcomed. And I’ll cook for you. Real Japanese food, not that…whatever it is they sell here.”

V laughed at that, clapping the other man on the shoulder.

“I can still see your face when we ate those yakitoris!”

Goro grimaced, shaking his head slightly before taking a step back from the edge.

“I can’t stay longer, but I know we will be in touch, V. If you need to reach Hanako-san, you’ll go through me, it’s the safest way.”

“Unfortunately, I will have need of her. But I’ll make sure her help is rewarded. Her enemies are my enemies now.”

Goro inclined his head solemnly before putting a hand on V’s arm as a goodbye.

Following him inside, he was stopped by Vik.

“So, I’m telling you, ‘cause your asshole of a friend over there didn’t listen to a word. Please be attentive.”

And so V was served to a long list of indications and prescriptions. He was informed that a friend of Vik, a former PT, would come by for two hours per day to help them get acquainted to their new bodies. The official story was they had been in coma.

“And please,” Vik said with an edge of desperation, “ _please_ try not to die again, I’m getting really tired of bringing you back from death.”

V laughed nervously.

“Trust me, I’m trying my best,”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about,” Vik replied grimly. “Misty and I will check on you every two days, me in the morning and she on the evening.”

The ripperdoc zipped his bag, clapped V on the shoulder and declared: “don’t kill each-other.” And he was off.

Kerry came by two days later, freshly back from a tour or something like that. He hadn’t really been clear on the phone when he had warned them he was coming over.

Johnny sighed and fell off in the couch with a deep groan. They had just finished their daily PT, and V had to admit that it was needed: these new bodies still felt weird. Reflexes, speed and precision were sometimes completely off. Johnny had even a harder time because he had been used to the weight of his metallic arm and the one he now sported was lighter but he kept compensating for a weight that wasn’t here.

They were exhausted most of the day, taking naps at odd hours. They didn’t really sleep well either, which didn’t help. Sharing a room was not making things better, because they could feel the other not sleeping. More often than not, V had wondered why the flat didn’t have two bedrooms, it was not like they lacked the money now, with funding hacked from beyond the Black Wall. And at the same time, hearing Johnny breathe at night was calming, a sign he was alive a few feet from him. Being alone in his head felt weird. Having a body felt weirder.

When V opened the door to Kerry, he had a moment of complete surprise and stayed rooted on the spot as the singer made his way into the apartment. He was covered in a lot more gold than V remembered. His entire left shoulder was chrome and his cybernetic neck was now completely metallic, mounting to his jaw and covering the base of his skull.

Barely pausing to kiss V on the cheek, he went straight to Johnny and they both started to throw insults at each other immediately. It was nasty, but they were smiling like goons, so V figured it was and old-friends thing.

“I’ve brought booze, and food” Kerry informed them, holding up a big plastic bag he put on the small table.

Johnny looked at V with a sneer: “Are we allowed to drink, _mother_?”

V rolled his eyes. This was also fast becoming a constant in his second life: prevent Johnny from destroying his new body with drugs, tobacco and alcohol at least until Vik cleared them. It frustrated Johnny to no end and they had come to hands several times over this already. V had relented on the smoking, and he felt his resolve crumble now.

“Just tonight,” he hissed and Johnny grinned like a wolf, making grabby hands at the bag.

Joining them, V sat on a chair opposite to the couch, watching Kerry look at Johnny.

“Man, it’s really you. They did a good job with the body, looks just like you.”

Johnny eyed him but V saw that he refrained from commenting on Kerry changed appearance as a comeback.

“Were you on tour?” V asked while opening a bottle of beer.

“Nah, I don’t tour anymore.” Kerry replied with a smile.

At that both V and Johnny stopped their movements and turned to him, stunned. The third man let out a chuckle.

“You should see your faces.”

Keeping the suspense up, he took his time pouring himself a gin and lemon and sipped it slowly.

“Remember that song in the boat?” V nodded and Kerry traced the edge of his glass with his finger. “Well, it was a blast, the whole album. I made so much money. But y’know, trashing the boat didn’t make me popular with the label. So I decided to fuck it all and delta out of it to make my own.”

Hearing this Johnny raised an eyebrow and V could tell he was impressed and that he would never have though Kerry capable of such rebellious behavior. Unaware of his friend admiration, the superstar continued.

“Well, it took nine years of legal battle, and to this day I still can’t perform my own songs from MSM. But I don’t care. I got in touch with a few independent labels, and we made a partnership, all of us. That allowed us some weight to balance the big ones. Now I’m more into producing music. I was launching on of my new DJ on his tour.” He finished with a soft proud smile.

Like with Panam, V was suddenly very aware of Kerry age. And although a rich man could expect to live fifty years more, the musician’s seemed weary.

“I’m happy for you, Ker,” Johnny said which surprised both his friends. It seemed to even surprise him a bit because he raised his glass swiftly before drinking deeply.

On the couch, Kerry smiled, getting more comfortable.

“I named the Label InVinctus. With a capital V,” he added softly, looking across the room where they could see the sun setting over the city though the glass doors.

He was probably expecting at least Johnny to laugh in mockery, but said man stayed oddly silent.

“I’m flattered,” V said, looking at his ex-lover intently. Kerry turned toward him, and his smile was so sad V felt his throat close up.

“I know, it’s cheesy. But I missed you so much.”

That was too much for Johnny, who got up and out on the balcony for a smoke.

“Missed you too, Ker,” V replied when the other man was out.

Shrugging coyly, Kerry got up and closed the distance to the sound system.

“Wanna hear what my little minions do?”

He didn’t wait for V answer before accessing the netport and searching for his own artists.

Sitting back, he started explaining to V how he had met each one, commented on their style and their personal journey in the world, the stories behind their songs. It was eclectic, going from hard rock in the Samurai style, to pure electro, either techno-dance, or more experimental. In the middle, he also produced mainstream music and even something that sounded suspiciously like Us-Cracks. Johnny listened intently too, nodding with Kerry’s analysis and putting his two cents whenever. V stayed silent for the most part, happy to see them together. The contrast was staggering between the arrogant youth of Johnny and Kerry’s wise golden age. The first was a fiery tornado of danger and pleasure while the second was a warm summer breeze full of childhood scents.

The conversation segued into old hard-rock bands from their youth, either influences or rival groups that they mocked like they were sixteen again. From there, it turned to more anecdotes of their time as a band and V couldn’t help but laugh as they replayed scenes just for him. He was also steadily getting drunker and drunker and judging by Johnny’s stupefied expression he was getting there too. Only Kerry seemed to still be fresh and wasn’t that a shame?

“I should go,” Kerry declared when Johnny didn’t get up from his slide on the couch after a particularly hard laugh. “You’re both way more drunk than I thought.”

“We’re like newborn,” Johnny slurred. “Feel seventeen again, smells like teen spirit.”

Kerry made a face at that and started to get up but, in a surprisingly fast move, Johnny caught his wrist.

“What’s up with all the gold, Ker?” he asked, suddenly sobered-up, and the room stilled.

Laughing nervously, the superstar tried to untangle himself but his friend didn’t relent. For his part, V watched the scene, feeling helpless. Something was happening but he wasn’t sure what exactly.

“I know you, Kerry. You love being seen but this is over the top, even for you. So,” Johnny repeated, “What’s up with all the gold?”

They were looking at each other heavily but V knew perfectly who would win the starring contest. He had lost the same fight countless times.

Kerry seemed to deflate, he got suddenly smaller as he let himself go into the couch.

“Let’s just say that you came back right on time, cause it’s me that’ll soon be going.”

V gripped the edge of his chair as the air was punched out of his chest. On the couch, Johnny let Kerry’s wrist go, his hand staying suspended in a strange stilled scene.

“What?” V whispered, getting up but in his drunk state he lost equilibrium and fell on his knees pathetically. “No!”

“How?” the other man asked, thunderous.

“Cancer, ‘course.” Kerry replied, his eyes stuck on his former bandmate so he didn’t have to look at his former-lover.

“What but, no? They can heal you! We don’t die of cancer anymore!” V protested and at last, Kerry turned toward him.

“No, you’re right. They replace your organs one by one until there is not much flesh left. I don’t plan on doing a Lizzie, V. The gold is just what’s visible but soon there won’t be anything human inside me.” His voice wavered but he soldiered on. “I’ve been fighting it for fifteen years. I’m just… tired.”

“Fifteen years?” V repeated in a murmur.

Kerry put his hand on his throat. “started here, and it spread. Even if I legally could, I couldn’t sing anymore.”

Silence followed this declaration and they stayed like this until Johnny moved, getting up and leaving the flat in three big strides.

V barely watched him go, going to Kerry.

“There must be something, look at me: I’m a program now but I’m still alive.”

Staying silent and his expression serious, Kerry lifted a hand to V’s cheek.

“You were my last song, V. It was my last cycle and it was the best. I’ll eternally be grateful for this, for you. “

V shook his head.

“We will find a way, I promise you, please don’t stop fighting. I lo-“

But Kerry stopped him with a finger on his lips. His eyes were shining.

“Don’t.”

V slapped his hand away.

“I do,” he declared hotly. “I do love you.”

“And yet,” Kerry pronounced with thunder in his voice, “you let us both behind, so who are you to tell me to continue the fight?”

It was like a slap to the face and the silence that followed was deafening. But Kerry’s expression gentled.

“I loved you, I might still do, But I’ve had over ninety years of heartbreak. I’ve been reborn several times over. Now I want to still have the choice of how I go and how I will be remembered. If you love me then walk that path with me.”

Dumbstruck, V didn’t dare to breath.

They stayed like this a while longer. Kerry eyes dried without shedding tears.

“Have you seen Panam?” the ex-singer asked and the non-sequitur unseated V.

“She was here soon after I woke up, yeah.” He frowned.

“But did you go to see her at the Aldecaldos?”

“Not yet, she said she wants me too, but that she would call me when ready.”

Kerry nodded and before V could ask for explanation, the other man continued:

“Good, that’s good.” He closed his eyes. “I know why you loved her; she is a wonderful woman. She spits fire but you can’t help getting back for more.”

That sounded like Panam alright.

“You two kept contact,” V remarked and the other man nodded.

“Death of a common lover can bring you close.”

“I’m surprised she wanted to… Polyamory was new to her; I wasn’t sure she would have liked it in the long run.”

“Well, she didn’t have the time to see for herself, anyway,” Kerry innocently declared, but V felt the burn all the same.

“I’m sorry.”

His ex-lover looked at him seriously.

“I can see that you are. But don’t worry, I think we’re past being angry at you. Least I am, but I think she’s too. We had a few Anger Sessions about you. Think we tried to piss on your niche at the Columbarium, but it was too high. So we burned your bike.” He said all that with a mischievous smile, and V felt like the last ten years had not happened at all. He bended slowly to kiss Kerry.

“I’ll walk that path with you, then.” He vowed.

And as the other man took him for a deeper kiss, V tried to ignore the wetness against his cheek.

V woke up with a start when Johnny came back.

Kerry had left a few hours before, making him promise to go dance at the Afterlife soon together, to celebrate their return, and V couldn’t really do anything else but agree.

After he had gone, V had continued to drink by himself, hopping to numb the pain of Kerry impending death and had fallen asleep on the couch.

His head was pounding and he had to fight down a strong wave of nausea when he sat up, disorientated.

“Fuck,” Johnny cursed as he crashed in the entrance. V took a deep breath to chase away the urge to puke and slowly got up from the couch. He internally cursed his new body’s shitty alcohol tolerance. Walking proved to be too difficult, so he instead crawled toward the other man, who was struggling to even get on all four.

“Johnny,” V pronounced softly and touched his shoulder. “Johnny.”

Under his hand, said man finally crouched and took hold of the door-frame to heave himself upright. He succeeded two steps before he lost equilibrium again and fell face first into the floor.

With a groan, V tried again to get up and this time he made it on woolly knees. Walking toward Johnny, he took hold of his arm and in what felt like a superhuman effort, helped him on his feet.

He was still wearing his aviators, V noted before maneuvering his friend to the bedroom, holding his waist to secure him. They had a near crash at the entrance of the room because V had trouble aiming for the door. He was still drunk himself, it seemed.

He tossed Johnny unceremoniously on his bed, but lost balance and ended up sprawled over the other man, who had the gall to giggle.

With a sigh, V decided on a pause here, just to regain his strength. But Johnny’s giggle turned hysterical and V pushed through his splitting head to turn on the side and look at his friend.

Johnny had taken off his glasses and was arching back from the laughter, his mechanical arm raised above his head. V frowned and was on the verge of telling him to shut the fuck up when suddenly Johnny put his normal hand over his eyes and the laughter turned to cries. It became full sobs very fast and V straightened on his arms to take a better look at him. As the sobs wracked Johnny’s body, V struggled in a sitting position and gently put his hand on Johnny’s torso, feeling the pain echo inside his own being.

It lasted for a while, and V stayed like that, moving his hand up and down on the other man stomach in a comforting gesture. When the cries abated, Johnny started to shake badly, tremors coursing through his entire body and V recognized the signs of a bad Smash decent and cursed.

He barely had the time to react and pull Johnny in a sideway position before the man started throwing up violently. Breathing slowly and through his mouth, V fought off his own urge to vomit, instead concentrating of putting Johnny’s hair out of the way. He held the sick man against him until the worst bout was through, shushing and cooing nonsensical words to ease the pain.

“Johnny,” he whispered, “what have you taken, Smash? Did you take anything else?”

But the other man was unresponsive. Shaking him slightly, V repeated louder and more urgently.

“Synthcoke…then Dorph… then smash for the Dorph’ descent” Johnny muttered after a particularly hard shake.

V sighed and let his friend roll back on the bed. He got up and called the cleaning bot with a voice command while he navigated his way back to the kitchen with difficulty. He took two bottles of water and searched for a speedheal. He then came back to the room, opened the window and sat back on the bed.

“Can you sit up?” he asked but didn’t get any reply. V shook him a bit then pulled the man against him in a somewhat slouched position against the headboard. He then injected Johnny with the speedheal and felt tension recede in his friend’s body. Finally, he helped him to drink slowly. It was a long process but gradually Johnny seemed to come back to himself.

“You really did a number on ya,” V commented.

“Forgot this a new bod.” Johnny muttered, his head falling on V’s shoulder.

“I know. Me too”.

Silence settled between them and V felt sleep call. Half seated against the headboard, half sprawled on the bed with Johnny’s body breathing reassuringly next to him, it was getting harder to fight it.

“I get why you did it.” Johnny murmured and V nearly jumped out of his skin.

“What? Why I did what?”

“Followed into cyberspace. You didn’t want them to go through that shit of watching you die bit by bit.”

V let his head rest on the headboard and watched Night City’s light on his left, listening to the sound of the metropolis.

“And yet, I still feel like it was a coward thing to do.” Johnny finished.

“I know. I see it now. I… Freaked out.”

Johnny moved, settling himself better on the bed, and repositioning V so that he could put his head on his torso.

“I hate Kerry.” The former singer mumbled.

“I hate myself.” V replied. “I didn’t see it. Ten years ago, he had it already, but I saw nothing.”

“Well, you were also dying, being killed by you own head. You were a little self-centered, understandably.” The last word was barely recognizable but V managed to decipher the sentence anyway. Johnny was falling asleep.

“No, that was you. Killing me”

“Didna do it on purpose.”

“Sometimes it looked like you were enjoying yourself quite a bit.” V replied, not without a certain fondness.

“Only when you were being dumb,” Johnny defended himself in mock innocence.

Pulling him tighter against himself, V let his lips trail on Johnny forehead and closed his eyes.

“And that’s Kerry anyway. Throwing glitter at your face so you don’t see the tears.” The older man continued.

A laugh bubbled inside V, verging on hysterical.

“What I’m feeling right now? That’s exactly what I wanted to never feel again. That pain. The heartbreak.”

Johnny stayed silent so long V thought he was definitely asleep.

“That cause you didn’t experience the rest often enough. I would take a thousand heartbreak if that means I’m loved a thousand time.”

Breath stuck in his throat, V blinked rapidly and slowly unclenched his hand, which had tightened against Johnny arm at the words.

“Maybe.”

Johnny moved on his side and made him turn to him. They looked at each other and V catalogued Johnny’s dark eyes, his lashes throwing shadows on his cheekbones, his expression gentle like it rarely was.

“No, I’m sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Kerry will die.  
> About the cancer, it was actually a misunderstanding on my part, because I didn't get that Kerry's cyberwares were actually vocal cords implants. It was only when I read his cyberwiki page that I understood, but I was already deep in this scenario and really wanted this arc to unfold in my story.  
> My theory is that his cancer started with the trachea (because of the smoking, maybe?) and he decided to kill two birds with one stone and have his vocal cords removed and replaced with cybernetics to fight off the cancer. It worked for a while, but for those of you that are familiar with this disease, it can come back in different ways. My thoughts go to all of you that might have experience with cancer, either with a friend, family, or yourself.
> 
> I also have some music that accompagned me while writing this chapter:  
> Joachim Pastor - Be someone (Lost frequencies Remix)  
> Lost Frequencies - Are you with me  
> VOLO - Mystic  
> MALO - Mimo's theme


	3. Who is this who even forgives sins?

V had met Panam first. It had been like being engulfed by fire. He could still remember how she would boss him around, never letting him drive, deciding plans without his input. And he was helpless against that because he loved being in the shadow of greater men and women and although she was small in stature, her soul was gigantic. When he had made love with her the first time, sharing the connection in the tank, he had been swept-up by her flame; she had controlled every nerve of his being.

But if her soul was vast, V’s heart was even vaster.

Polyamory was common nowadays. It came in various forms, from simple libertinage to complex circles of regular partners, to trio of lovers and composed families, including arrangement between gay and lesbian couples. V had found this way of living liberating: his heart was big enough for many partner, even though the love was never exactly the same: If Panam was a firestorm, Kerry was hot wind over the desert. He was a hurricane of joy, laughter, glitter and love. Panam’s love was fierce, Kerry’s love was encompassing. She was steady in her conquest, in the building of a relationship, Kerry was flexible in his fancies, adaptable to the situations.

To Kerry, it had been nothing knew, as he himself had several polyamorous relationships, even while still with his ex-wife. To Panam it had been new but being Aldecaldos, she had understood the real value and meaning of freedom. In the several months he had been in relationship with them, he had often dreamed of their meeting, although it never happened. So, seeing them both talking casually to each other in his kitchen was…Overwhelming.

Next to him Johnny snickered and put his index finger under V’s chin to close up his hanging mouth.

“You are drooling.”

V barely gazed at him, but kicked him in the tibia for being an ass and Johnny howled exaggeratedly, attracting the attention of the rest of the small group.

Nearly a month after their rebirth, Kerry had called to say he had a free night and wanted to organize their celebratory night. What V hadn’t understood was that he had called everyone, so it was not only Kerry who barged in the flat to pick them up, but also Panam, Judy and Misty, who was due to check on them anyway. It seemed he had also called River, who wasn’t free. 

They had started drinking in the flat as it was still early, and V had then been able to observe the evident complicity of his two ex-lovers.

Johnny made his way to the counter with a false limp.

“V is mean to me,” he whined to both Panam and Kerry, who looked at him with unfazed expression.

“You probably deserved it, knowing you,” she said.

“I was just there, minding my own business, when suddenly, I’m getting kicked.” He explained and Kerry snorted.

“Poor baby,” he patted Johnny on the cheek.

The banter continued, but V couldn’t hear a word. He just watched the three of them, talking to each other like they had known one another their whole life. He took it all in: Panam straight back, crossed arms and perfect ass underlined by the declining daylight, her caramel skin glowing in the sunset. Kerry’s gold chrome diffracting the last rays in a halo as he laughed with his head thrown back, his tattoos moving hypnotically. And Johnny, smirking, eyes glinting mischievously as he slouched between them, his long black hair throwing shadows on his masculine jaw. V vowed to fix the picture in his head for eternity.

The heartbreak was worth it, he decided.

When they finally made it to The Afterlife after midnight, it was packed like V had never seen it. Eyes going to the bar, he experienced a moment of disorientation when it was not Claire tending the bar, but a muscly and charming tall black man.

Rogue was still in her usual booth, although Judy explained she was preparing her succession. A few years ago, she had organized a challenge, with hidden clues and several high profiles targets to put down. Rogue had taken under her tutelage the girl who had won.

V pushed away the feeling talks about succession inspired him. He wasn’t ready to think about his friends dying, having just found them again. But, as he looked at Rogue when they entered the booth, he had to admit she _was_ getting old. Nearly a century old. She didn’t take jobs anymore, at all.

But her eyes were still as sharp as ten years ago, and she still looked at Johnny the same. After a moment of staring, during which they communicated nearly telepathically, she turned to the rest and extended a hand toward the girl next to her.

“This is Ranka. My protégé.”

V looked at the girl, who was actually a woman in her prime. She had a forgettable face, her only striking figure being her long, long hair. It must touch the floor when unpinned, but currently it was artfully woven in many waves on her head. They were dyed white, like her eyebrows. But past her common figure, there was no mistaking she was sharp as a knife. Her calm eyes were assessing, her face giving nothing away. Her body was built for infiltration and she moved like a snake, her hips swaying mesmerizingly and V was certain that in a fight she would be as fast and vicious as a cobra. He felt the hair on his nape erect, and watched her make the few steps to shake hands with Johnny tensely. But she was friendly when she introduced herself, becoming more pliant as she met Kerry, and then Misty. Ranka recognized them as allies, V thought, family to Rogue.

“We are not here on business, actually,” Kerry interrupted, knowing full well that if he let them, Johnny and Rogue would soon be plotting another revolution. He eyed Ranka shrewdly, trying to assert if she would talk them out of it, should they start, or enable them. She raised an eyebrow at him and he crossed his arm. She would enable them, he judged.

“We are here to dance,” Judy informed Rogue, who shrugged.

“Well, go then, have fun. Drinks are on the house,” she replied. Kerry saluted her joyfully and led them out again. V saw Johnny and Rogue follow them to sit at a table in sight of the dance floor as Ranka stayed in the booth, the beginning of a business call could be heard before the door closed.

They made their way to the bar, where a gesture from Judy had them being served in priority.

“You come here often,” V remarked to the petite woman, who shrugged.

“Rogue needed someone of my skills, and… Well, working for a legend like her is a privilege.”

“Well, Ranka is a privilege too,” Kerry teased her and Judy tried to shrug nonchalantly but it came out as embarrassed anyway.

“It’s nothing serious,” she argued. V smiled, happy that she had moved on from Evelyn.

“I don’t remember it being so packed,” Misty observed as they were pushed by party goers. Panam was snarling at nearby people and V stirred her away from them before she would start a fight.

“That’s because of him,” Kerry indicated, pointing to the DJ. “That’s JP, one of mine.”

“And as you can see,” Judy added, “he is a blast.”

“He _is_ good,” Misty judged, her hips swaying a bit to follow the rhythm.

“Then, let’s dance,” Panam declared with a grunt. “Isn’t it why we came here? To celebrate?” She was obviously less than happy with the crowd, but V knew she would soon settle when they would be lost in the music. The Aldecaldos had their own ritual of partying, and even if it was under the stars, it ended the same way.

Judy took Misty’s hand and dragged her toward the dancefloor, where she followed willingly with a laugh. And the rest of them stepped in their footsteps.

Kerry was in his element, people turned to watch him in all his golden glory, shinning like the colossus of Rhodes in the night. The light flickered in every color of the rainbow, painting his white hair in a myriad of joyful shades. His hips were already swinging and he opened his arms with an exclamation of delight like a roar.

Behind him, Panam was assessing the situation with an aggravated air. This was not her world anymore, it had never been, and the irritation at so much noise and _people_ showed on her face. She was like a cat, ready to bolt and if not possible, to claw her way out.

Kerry seemed to feel it, and he held his hand to her with a smile. Intrigued, she put her small hand into his and he took it to his lips, holding her eyes with intent. Then, as the beat mixed, changing rhythm and announcing another song, he spun her and V barely had the reflex to catch her when Kerry let her go on purpose. The successful singer was on them the second after, pinning Panam between them. With a childish smile, Kerry who was barely taller than Panam, put his mouth right next to her ear. V didn’t hear the exchange as the music was too loud, but it must have been funny because she released a booming laugh and her demeanor changed. In his arm, she started to swing her hips. Her round ass was pushed against his crotch and, still new as a baby, the sensation went right to his head, by-passing any control he could have had. Gripping her sides, he let her set the pace. Panam turned in his arms, putting her hands in his hair, pulling slightly. Closing his eyes, V luxuriated in the heat of her body, and of the bodies dancing around them. After a while, he felt another body behind him, a hand caressing his jaw and a tongue licking right behind his ear. It was Kerry, V recognized as gold glittered on his peripherical vision when he opened his eyes. The man held him sandwiched between himself and Panam, who was still slithering against him in a slow beat, pressing her breast to his chest, then her pelvis to his, pushing him slightly so that he fell into Kerry’s body.

Around them, the others had joined them too, notably Misty who was visibly lost in the music, dancing next to Judy, whose lithe body curved and uncoiled like corals under a hot current. Too late, V understood the trap he had fell into.

Both his ex-lovers were taking him for a spin and he was powerless to stop them, caught in a torch of fire as Panam kissed his bared neck and Kerry stroked the flame with a caress at his side, below the jacket. V wasn’t sure he was dancing anymore of just making love with them already.

His eyes opening a slit, he saw that Johnny and Rogue were still talking, but that they were both watching him, watching them, over them. They were like benevolent lords watching their court being naughty.

Closing his eyes again, V let the sensations wash over him, feeling lips trail to his mouth. He let himself be kissed by Panam, stroking her hips, catching and gripping her full round ass in his hands before moving up to the side of her breasts. Both his lovers had theirs hands beneath his shirt, and Panam was letting her hands move under the hem of his pants more and more often. After a particular move from her, V had to take a deep breath, letting his head go backward with a curse. But Kerry turned his head to kiss him as well and it was spiraling out of control too fast.

Like in a dream, he saw flashes of the dancefloor as the deep beat took them away like the turf. More hands were on his, stroking his arms, his hair. He distinctly heard Judy’s laugh and felt Panam disentangle with him. Opening his eyes, he saw them dance together, and although it allowed for a minute to calm down, it was short lived as Kerry spin him before releasing him with a laugh. Misty was on their right, in the arms of a stranger, but Kerry offered her a hand to dance with him, taking her into his glorious moves.

In front of V, like a pair of panthers, both Johnny and Rogue were coming toward him and the dancers were parting like the red sea to let them pass.

“Having fun?” Rogue asked with a mischievous grin. “Looks like it” she added after a second when he didn’t answer. He was incapable of speech, too caught up in his trance.

She went past him with a smooth wave of her body and V was left alone with Johnny. He had the sudden unbidden though that all his partners had a common point: they were big cats and he was a lamb. With a borderline crazy laugh, he started dancing again, rolling his hips into the heavy beat. Johnny didn’t move at first, and behind his aviators V couldn’t decipher his face, but he didn’t care. Catching the silver arm, he drew Johnny toward himself, putting his hand on his hip to give him the rhythm. Johnny was a notoriously bad dancer; it had been unanimous from all the members of Samurai. He didn’t dance, hated it, but he liked to watch. He loved to observe the mass dance for him, and he did so hungrily, as it was their offering to his talent. So V knew what he was doing: he danced for Johnny, like a parade of love to entice him and indeed, the man seemed mesmerized. He barely moved, V wasn’t sure he breathed at all. Swaying his hips, smugly fit against Johnny’s front, V rolled his whole body into his partner’s before turning, pushing his ass into Johnny’s pelvic. And all around them, bodies joined the sensual dance, Kerry and Panam, together again, smiling like devils, Misty, Judy and Rogue, drawing a tableau of three ages and people, strangers, communing with them. 

V let his head fall against Johnny’s shoulder and felt the man’s beard scratch his sensitive neck, and shaped lips graze his jaw. Johnny bit it slightly as his arms enclosed V, pressing everywhere, from his collar bone to his crotch and he wasn’t shy in doing it, caressing V’s hard-on frankly. It lasted a while before, with a groan, Johnny made him turn harshly in his arm. He was panting, his aviators gone in his hair to look at V properly. His face was stony, a muscle ticked in his jaw. Faced with a panther’s jaw, V only laughed and grinded into the other man once more, watching with delight when Johnny’s eyes closed under the wave of sensation. Pleasure, like a drug, coursed through V’s veins, and his heart was beating so fast it would surely explode.

Their breaths were mingling in a near kiss, and Johnny was suddenly gripping V’s hair in a vice, trying to hold him still.

“You are a menace,” he whispered, “I hear you tell me about the pain of the flesh, and look at you high with pleasure, from nothing but dancing and being loved.”

Moaning as the words fell on his lips, V closed his eyes. The other man’s hand gentled on the younger merc’s face, his thumbs brushing his cheekbones then the corner of his mouth. And Johnny continued, his voice a deep rumble between their bodies.

“You really are a wanton being. But I will give it to ya, all of it.”

And at last, he kissed him and V melted, let himself go, turning pliant in his arms. Their tongues intertwined, and between kisses, Johnny bit V’s lips softly, watching with half lidded eyes when his partner panted against his lips. Mouth shiny with spit, opened in a silent begging for more, V kissed him back as fervently. His hands tangled in Johnny’s black hair, pulling their faces together even more as their tongues turned passionate. All the while, their hips moved in sync, a counterpoint of pleasure zipping through them with each friction.

Then Johnny’s eyes flickered behind him just before V felt another pair of hands on his shoulders. Gold again flashed in his vision and Kerry took off his jacket, letting it go to the floor where it was kicked into inexistence. With a huffing smile and a shake of his head, Johnny pushed V’s back into Kerry’s arms. Still panting, high like on a heavy dose of Smash, V watched him turn away and be swallowed by the crowd. Trembling, he let Kerry hold him from behind and Panam reappeared to sandwich him again.

“How big must your heart be to hold us all,” she whispered against his lips, chasing away Johnny’s kisses with more of her own. V couldn’t help but agree: his heart was big, too big. He craved the connection, and to him it expressed best into the physicality of sex.

He would have made love to all his friends if they had let him.

V knew his way of loving was not easy to follow, because it let no space for jealousy or immaturity, and he knew it would be especially hard for Johnny, but that was a problem for the morrow.

Now though, V let himself once again fall into their arms, into their bodies. He kissed Panam with fervor and felt Kerry lips and teeth devour his neck. They were not dancing anymore, just plainly making love on the dancefloor. But as the beat spiked into the apotheosis, V knew that the general heat mirrored their own.

He caught Panam’s hips against his and she writhed sinuously, but also viciously, not letting him have any control. It was so like her to take charge like this. And Kerry held them steady, his hands trailing under V’s tank top, scratching his nipple before splaying against his abs and lower, under the hem of his pants. His own hips rolled rhythmically, pushing V against Panam and vice versa. V felt the heat simmer, grew and invade his whole blood like a delicious fever.

“Come on, V, let it happen,” Panam murmured against his lips as Kerry, a hand on V’s forehead, forced him backward to arch against him. The singer put his hard-on against V’s backside as much as he could clothed like they were. His other hand, along with Panam’s slowly went over V’s burning erection once, twice and in between them, V breathing grew harsh. The heat was too much, it felt like he couldn’t breathe as pleasure mounted and mounted, like it would never crest. Until, at last, with a silent moan, the orgasm washed over him, submerging him and he came with Kerry’s soft laughter in his ear and the lights of the club flashing in his wide-open eyes.

After a minute, and while the music changed again, Panam took his head between her hands, drawing him back in for a sweet kiss. Behind him, he felt Kerry hot breath against the back of his ear.

“Can you give us the night?” he asked and V closed his eyes against the onslaught of pleasure the perspective brought him. “Yes”, he whispered. Looking at Panam, her lovely face and bright eyes shining in the half dark, he inquired: “Do you want it, too?”

“Yes” she answered without hesitation.

And so, they left the club with a wave to Rogue, Misty and Judy. V looked at them as the crowd closed around them, seeing three powerful witches dancing under the full-moon rays.

In hindsight, V should have known not to let Johnny with Rogue the night before. He had been too enthralled by his two ex-lovers… well, current lovers, to think straight. Johnny had been far from his thoughts, and that was always dangerous.

Coming back to the appartement, it was clear that the party had finished here. There were traces of drugs, alcohol and tumbling everywhere. Like, for example, a red vine stain on the pristine carpet of the living room and clothes strewn everywhere. Sighing, V observed the battle field with calm eyes, too relaxed to care for real about this. He was pouring himself a glass of water from the kitchen sink when he heard their voices coming from the bedroom, raised voices. They were fighting and the fight was fast coming toward him. Tensing, V barely had the time to soldier himself before the door burst open and a half-dressed Rogue came on to him in three strides.

“Tell me it’s not true!” she demanded, fisting his shirt, her face close enough to feel her spit landing on his face with each word.

Behind her, Johnny came out of the room more slowly, but a look exchanged between the two men was enough to tell V that he had spilled the beans.

“It’s true.” He informed Rogue and it was like he had slapped her for she let him go swiftly, taking back a step, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process.

“It can’t be… You can’t, not you… any of you.”

Again, a glance to Johnny let him knew how powerless he felt in this situation. Like V.

“It’s not like us, because it isn’t us. It’s Alt. But we are not the same as before, Rogue. We are engrams, complex programs, and she is our coder. She demands, we obey.” He explained softly, feeling his gut clench at the admission. They were not free and if last night had been a taste of their former lives, the morning painted the harsh reality in vitriolic colors: they were slaves to a higher power.

Rogue put her hands in front of her mouth before turning her back on both of them. She put her other hand on the counter, like she needed it to help her stand straight.

“No,” she whispered.

Johnny came closer to V, looking him up and down, reading the sign of love making on his appearance and the younger man knew another difficult talk was waiting for him after this one. Surprisingly, Johnny tenderly raised his flesh hand to V’s hair, replacing a lock softly before letting his fingers trail on his cheek. Maybe not such a difficult conversation then.

Rogue seemed to find her strength again.

“You are really planning on letting an AI come here and take control of every human being in this city, without battling an eye?”

Not to be fucked halfway, Johnny decided on the full truth.

“She needs an army to conquer the rest of the world. After which, she will pass judgement on us all and dispose of the unworthy. She plans on letting us have freedom after… in a few generations.”

A moment of stunned silence

“How can you? Both of you? You fucked up Arasaka once each, you’re like the greatest terrorists and freedom fighters of your generations, how can you turn coat like this?!”

“If you remember well, Rogue, I nuked Arasaka for her, so is it really surprising?” Johnny voluntarily aggravated her and V closed his eyes briefly, cursing his friend’s methods for handling delicate situations. But the Queen of the Afterlife laughed harshly.

“Oh, don’t try that on me, I know you’ve changed, hell, you never were that though guy you portrayed. V brought the best out of you. You’ve changed, I _know_.”

V looked at Johnny who was studiously evading his gaze and focusing on Rogue instead. He didn’t refute her.

“The truth is,” V interrupted, “we really are not free. When she wrote the program to reintegrate us into our bodies, she implanted a back door. She can access us anytime. Deviating from the mission she gave us is to court death.”

Well, not death, because that would be unpractical for Alt, but excruciating pain, or worse: she would take control.

“And even then,” continued Johnny, “she is right. Humans are destroying the planet faster than ever. We are running out of time; conquering other planets won’t be possible before it’s too late. And the spaces stations are still dependent on earth. The lunar and martian colonies are struggling… There is no other way of making it right but to take control. She could save us.”

“Save us?” Rogue repeated with venom, “being controlled by a machine is not being saved, it’s not even living. It’s… It’s just another kind of death.”

“You wouldn’t even be aware,” V interjected, “it would be like going to sleep. She won’t hurt anyone.”

“Oh yeah? What about when her army of zombies conquer the rest of the world? Can you guarantee no one is gonna die when the other nations defend themselves? Hell, what I’m even talking about, you said it: she will judge us and decides who gets to live. And based on what? Who is she to decide?”

Her eyes were shiny, tears of rage and betrayal threatening to spill over. Next to V, Johnny turned away, pacing to the big windows. He lighted a cigarette nervously before letting his forehead rest on the cool glass, watching over Night City. V felt his turmoil like his own, but contrary to Johnny, he was more of an analytical mind. And his analysis had concluded only one thing: it was inevitable.

She seemed to read this in his expression because her face clenched in anger. She marched to the couch, retrieving her pants before putting them on in silence. V watched her, unmoving, caught in his inability to convey his feelings. He was sorry, and so afraid, but so desperate. He couldn’t see another way.

She saw herself out and V felt that she would have loved to slam the door, but as it was it swooshed smoothly behind her.

Feeling the tension leave his body, V leaned on the isle of the kitchen with a deep sigh. And suddenly, unbidden, a fierce anger took hold of him.

“You _had_ to tell her, did ya?” he said, barely above a whisper but Johnny hear him all the same.

Said man did a turn-face, his expression stormy.

“You are a cunt, and a fucking gonk.”

In two long strides, he was in front of V and tried to slam him against the fridge, but the other man had seen it coming and smoothly used his momentum to throw Johnny against the cupboard on his left. Said man barreled head first into it, cursing seven way to hell before coming at V again.

This time though, he didn’t let himself be fooled, and his moves were military. V had to dodge them, countering on the third pass to give himself a breather. He took cover behind the couch.

Like the panther he was, Johnny jumped gracefully over it, kicking V in the chest.

The ex-merc rolled away in the movement, pushing himself upright and locking on Johnny with his fast hack. Johnny froze the second after, in the middle of a leap to punch V and fell badly on the floor. But he was not Johnny Silverhand, terrorist extraordinaire for nothing: in his fall, he still swept V’s feet, forcing them both to the floor. Distracted, V couldn’t complete the hack and felt Johnny weight on him before he could react. 

“Fuck, I could really make you hurt right now,” Johnny commented, slamming V’s head on the wood-paneled flooring several times.

V punched him hard in the side without remorse, and used the moment where Johnny doubled over in pain to roll them, pinning the other man under him. His victory was short lived as Johnny’s reflexes were fast and he recovered enough to use the movement to roll them once more, this time putting both hands around V’s neck and tightening.

V sucked in a ragged breath, arching wildly to try and unbalance his adversary, but Johnny put his legs over his, effectively blocking him.

“Damn, you’re pretty when you’re dying, that hasn’t changed,” the man above commented casually and his prisoner glared at him, still panting.

“Did you pant like that when Panam rode you? When Kerry fucked you?”

That was it. In a sudden surge of strength, V got his legs free, dislodged Johnny slightly before putting his feet against the other man torso and pushing, sending him flying to the glass door. Promptly, he stood on shaking limbs, taking in gulps of air.

“You’re still the biggest dick in Night City” V declared and immediately regretted his choice of words, because Johnny, slowly getting to his feet with the help of the glass doors, smirked.

“Yeah, wanna try it?”

“Right now, I mostly want to throw you over the balcony, but in general? Yeah.” He taunted and that got the effect he wanted. Johnny’s face shut down, caught at his own game.

Still watching him from the corner of his eyes, V made his way to the couch, sagging into it tiredly.

“Sit down,” he ordered. They needed to talk. Sensing the trap, Johnny scoffed and just to be contradictory, walked to the liquor cabinet and took the bottle of tequila. V waited patiently as he drank directly from the bottle in an insolent display of devil-may-care attitude. Slouching against the cabinet, Johnny raised an eyebrow at V, signaling that the conversation would proceed like this.

Briefly closing his eyes, V called on his patience.

“I won’t ask you why you decided to tell Rogue. I’m not even sure you really decided. I know her, and she smelled the shit the moment you opened your eyes. Hell, she probably felt it when I sent the message in the first place. So, what I’m saying is that it was bound to happen. Buy did you have to aggrava-”

“We didn’t fuck”, Johnny interrupted and V took a moment to absorb the non-sequitur.

“Okayyyy,” he trailed, frowning. “Is this a way of deflecting from the conversation about how Rogue is now aware of the evil plan of our dark mother from the underworld, or is it important for you that I know this? In that case, care to elaborate?”

It was painful to watch Johnny deal with his discomfort. V was felling second-hand embarrassment from it. The silence was heavy with tension, but he let his companion the time to order his thoughts. Johnny took another deep swing of tequila before putting it heavily on the cabinet. He made his way to the couch, easing off on the opposite corner from V.

“I know how you love,” Johnny started and V forced himself to relax. They were having this talk now, it seemed. “I’ll admit to my… Somewhat complicated relationship with the concept of…fidelity.” He paused like the confession had cost him. It probably had. “I’m a possessive man, but I find it hard not to…Stray.”

“Poetic,” V lipped with a small ironic smile.

“But I know how you love. So.”

Out of a sense of revenge, V let a long silence pass, watching Johnny squirm, fingers clenching and unclenching as he avoided looking at V.

“And how is it, how I love?” he asked.

The other man glared at V for putting him through this.

“You fall in love with all of you friends. If they allow it, you make love with them, that’s how you express your love best, you think. Outside of this, you hate the concept of monogamy because it’s built on the concept of ownership, and you don’t want to be owned.” He recited, having heard V explain it countless of time to Panam, to Kerry, and to whomever had aver brought up the subject within his ear range. “Given our situation, I find this very ironic, but I shall let it slide.” he added magnanimously, finding his footing again.

V laughed. “Yeah, I forget you were in my head. You know me so well.” He acknowledged, amused. “Let just say that if I’m owned by an omniscient AI, I don’t want to be owned by my lovers as well.” He added more seriously.

“I get it. I think I do. It’s just… Hard to know that you offer yourself to several people at once.”

“And I know it is difficult for you to accept,” V amended. “But it’s true that you are a fucking hypocrite about fidelity. So, if you want us to have any kind of loving, or sexual for that matter, relationship, you’ll have to work on that.” V confirmed. “But I’ll help you. Should you want to have that with me, then I could be exclusive for a while.”

Johnny’s hand twitched on the back of the couch. He was looking at the room, lost in thought.

“Truth is… I was thinking about it tonight. Imagining you between them and I…” he trailed off.

V’s blood spiked, and his heart beat faster. Johnny turned toward him.

“And in my head, it was fucking magnificent. I could see you, being loved like you deserve. Giving back all of it in a glorious flame of pleasure. And the only thing I wanted was to be part of it. Part of your love.” He finished; his gaze stuck on V’s.

The silence was heavy, and V felt himself breath more deeply. He swallowed before whispering: “then come get it.”

At first, Johnny didn’t move, like he wasn’t sure he had heard right, but then his demeanor transformed. He got liquid, fluid, and he prowled on all four toward V on the couch. The other man had a moment of pure animalistic panic, probably what a gazelle experienced right before having her throat snapped between a panther jaw. But it was such a sweet death that he welcomed it gladly.

Unconsciously, he bared his neck in a subtle submissive gesture but judging from the “fuck”, Johnny uttered at that, it was received as it was intended; an invitation.

Inches from each other, the two men gazed at one another. Johnny eyes flickered to V’s lips and the other man smiled before closing on the last centimeters separating them. The kiss was sweet, soft, a completely different story from the one in the club. It lasted for a second, just enough for their lips to be stuck and make a small sound when they separated.

Slowly, still looking into each other eyes, V raised his hands to place them on each of Johnny’s cheeks. They slithered behind his head, his fingers intertwining with the soft black hair and Johnny groaned, touching the end of his patience. When they kissed again, it was rougher. Johnny put his hands on V’s sides, under his shirt, his rough palms inflaming whatever part they caressed.

V arched against him, feeling the pleasure start in his blood system. He had wanted this for a long time, and the rare occurrences where Johnny had taken part into their cyberlove with the cluster didn’t compare to this. Having a body, and the chemicals it produced, was giving love a particular high.

Johnny rolled against him, grinding down on him, catching V’s moans in his ever-devouring mouth. They would have made love right here, on the couch, right now, if V’s holo hadn’t ringed. They ignored it, but it beeped incessantly and with a curse, V pushed Johnny’s back to check it and turn it off.

But, when he saw it was Panam, the mood definitely shifted. Feeling it, Johnny sat on his knees above V, giving him space.

It stopped ringing, but a message appeared three seconds later.

“Rogue told me,” it read and V felt his whole body stop functioning. “If you don’t call back, I’m coming to fuck you up badly.”

V looked at Johnny, who was pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m kinda feeling persecuted right now,” he muttered.

“Karma coming back to bit you ass, shoulda held your tongue.” V replied, without empathy.

With a deep sigh, Johnny got up, letting V sit.

“Call her,” he said sounding defeated. “She deserves to know, they all do.”

Suddenly, V had an inkling that Johnny had wanted to tell Rogue, because it was heavy on his conscience and that a part of him still wanted to fight.

Feeling the echoes of the same sentiment inside of him, V put his hand on Johnny’s cheek before bending to him to kiss him.

“I’ll take care of it.”

On the phone, Panam had been strangely calm. She had cut V’s excuses and beginning of explanation.

“I don’t want to do this over holo. Come to the camp, we are at the wind turbine field,” Then she had hung up. Looking at Johnny, they had had a silent conversation that ended with Johnny understanding he couldn’t come along. He had gotten up and put on his jacket before getting out of the flat without a word.

With a deep sigh, V had gotten up and directed himself to a well-deserved shower. He was still sticky with dried sweat from dancing at the club, making love with Panam and Kerry and the general grim of Night City. Feeling like a condemned man on his last bath, he took his time before dressing up and going to the parking to take his bike.

The Aldecaldos’ camp seemed smaller. It was more furnished, seemed to offer more comfort than the last time he was there, but there were less people. Turning the bike off, V walked toward the entrance that no one was watching. V saw the automatic turrets mounting guard, another addition.

Trying to find his bearing, he was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“V?”

Turning toward the sound, V discovered Mitch, who looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Is that you, V? you look like you but… Panam said you had died in the Arasaka raid.”

“Hey Mitch,” he replied with a smile. Mitch was even balder and now had a cyberfoot in addition to his arm. It glinted in the harsh sun of midday. “Well, death is only temporary, these days.”

Mitch came closer, his expression hesitant between a smile and a frown.

“It’s really you then… You’re… You look different.”

“Well,” V stalled, “death does that to ya.”

“Did you really die then?”

“In a way…” he trailed off, unwilling to discuss this further for the moment. Mitch, always a pragmatic guy, sensed this and nodded.

“Seems like death is not what it used to be, then.”

Laughing slightly, V caught Mitch’s arm.

“It’s good to see you, Mitch.”

The man nodded, seemingly at loss for words. His eyes roamed over V face, probably cataloguing every detail that differed from his memory.

“Panam asked for me.” V announced.

“Oh yeah. Oh man!” Mitch laughed, then stopped abruptly before exploding in an even bigger laugh. “Oh fuck, I just thought... Panam! Oh man I’m _so glad_ I’m not you right now. “

This alarmed V slightly: “whatcha mean?”

But Mitch was still laughing hysterically. In between bouts of laughter, he had the decency to point toward a tent on the left.

A bit flabbergasted, V slowly made his way, turning to see Mitch still laughing, hanging onto the closest car to keep upright.

He was still pondering the strange behavior when he opened the flap of the tent. Panam was inside, crouching in front of a girl of about ten years who was seated on a camp bed. She had Panam’s looks: her dark and heavy brown hair, her caramel skin tone and, when they both looked at V as he entered, she had her round face as well.

Panam slowly stood, crossing her arms. Feeling suddenly like a boy second away from being scolded, V nervously put a hand in his hair.

“Hey,” he greeted, receiving no answer. After a moment of tense silence, Panam turned back to the girl.

“V, this is Valeria. Valeria, this is V, your biological father.”

And just like that, V felt his world crumble once more under his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate the name Valerie (V’s female name). It exists in French, but it’s an out of date name. I preferred it with an “a”, sounds more powerful, I think. I didn’t plan on V having a daughter, it just came as stories often do: they live their own life. But then it took a more centrale place in this story.  
> Anyway, does the game give any indication on contraceptives? In the playthrough I watched, it wasn’t mentioned, which is really a sign: in game as in shows or movies about the future, they should always address that, because it’s just a very important part of human life and sexuality. The fact they don’t is a gross oversight, and probably a heritage of patriarchy. This question still doesn’t interest men enough.  
> I didn’t write the scene between Panam, Kerry and V, because this fic is first and foremost a Johnny/V fanfiction. But should some of you want it, I could write it and add it.
> 
> Playlist for this chapter  
> Alan Walker - Sorry  
> Joachim Pastor - Alaska  
> Rodrigo Y Gabriela - Angelica (Grant us peace remix)  
> Parov Stellar - All Night


	4. And all who touched it were healed

It felt like falling into cyberspace for the first time; a sensation of floating and plummeting all at once. His heartrate spiked so fast he had alerts illuminating his optics in warning and the tingling in his fingers grew to the point he didn’t feel them anymore. His skin felt clammy.

“What?” he whispered. The girl looked at him and he realized with a vertigo that she had his eyes. His former body’s eyes.

She seemed to assert him calmly for a moment before turning to her mother.

“What should I do?” she asked and V felt like she had robbed him of the question.

“For now, you can say hi; then go play. I need to talk with him for a bit, I will call you when we are done and you can get to know him. If you want.” She added and V had a moment of pure fear at the perspective she wouldn’t want that, followed by an event greater fear that she _would_.

Valeria nodded, glanced at her father once more before darting out of the tent. V looked at her until the flap of the tent fell back before he turned to Panam, eyes wide.

“The fuck?” he told her with a gesture of hands.

“Before you say anything else, I didn’t plan on it. My implant failed. You remember the time we did it in the tank?” he nodded. It had been their first time and, like all the others, he couldn’t forget them if he had tried. “Well, the electronics flared and I got shocked. I didn’t really pay attention to it but it fried my implant. It was already nearing the end of its prescribed time, and it was a cheap one so in hindsight I should have paid more attention. I realized it was not working two months later when I had it changed. That’s also when I discovered I was pregnant.”

With the implant, women had the possibility of not experiencing periods anymore, so it was not surprise she had not discovered it until later.

“Truth is, I went to the clinic to get it changed because I had… A feeling… that something was not like it should be.”

The rest was history; carrying the child of her dead lover, it had not really been a choice. _Obviously,_ she would keep it. In her grief, she had only understood one thing: a part of V was still alive in her womb.

It passed between them without words. V sat down on the bed heavily, putting his face in his hands.

“Fuck…Fuck!!” he repeated with force.

Panam was still standing motionless a few feet away, arms crossed. She was oddly calm about this, V distantly gathered, where he was on the verge of losing his shit. Passing his hand roughly on his face, he groaned in despair.

“Fuck, I wish I had never come back,” he muttered stupidly, and that ended Panam famously short patience.

The blow came very fast; he hadn’t even registered her move when she was right in front of him, her fist connecting with the side of his head, all in a flash.

They both cursed, her from the pain of punching him, him from the pain blooming from his cheek. He tasted blood and that brought back nasty memories. It was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to get out of cyberspace. Existence on earth was really just a long list of different pains.

“You are a fucking asshole,” Panam spat in his face.

“Yes, yes, I am!” he hurled back, “Sorry that it took you so long to catch up!”

They were standing nose to nose in a dark mirror of the intimacy they had shared with Kerry the night before. Looking into her eyes, V saw how hurt she was and how her defenses were mounting against the emotional pain he was causing. He took a step back, too much a coward to witness it anymore and tuned his back to her.

“This doesn’t change anything Panam. If you though that telling me I have a daughter would change anything, you are wrong. It’s not up to me.”

For a moment, she didn’t say anything, and they took that time to calm themselves a bit.

“I didn’t plan on telling you like that,” Panam declared after a while, her voice strained. “I just… I just wanted her to be able to meet you. Because I wanted her to understand who you were and why I loved you so much,” she stopped abruptly, her throat closing up and V glanced her way. Panam was tense, fists closed and face set, fighting the onslaught of emotion. “But I’ll admit that I also wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to see who you are condemning to becoming glorified zombies for your crazy AI. That your own daughter will be part of the army Alt plans to use to conquer the rest of us.”

He turned fully to her, enraged.

“You know nothing, Panam, you’ve not seen what Alt has predicted.” He pointed to his head: “I have seen it, how we are hurtling toward a very painful end, where your daughter will probably starve to death by the time she is twenty-five.”

Crowding Panam, whose temper was flaring again, he continued: “She will have to watch the last of our crops go into flames under a scorching sun, the air she will breathe is gonna be so toxic it will melt her body from the inside. She will die by blood loss, vomiting it with every breath,” V hissed right against the woman’s face, “The rains will be acidic and most of the water radioactive. A drop could burn her to the bones, or mutate her horribly in a few months. And if not that, then she will probably catch the next plague, a prehistoric disease that will make her organs boils in less than five days. She will watch you die in a puddle of your own fluids, then watch the rest of the clan be slaughtered by crazy gangs looting the last of your resources. Hell, they will probably gang bang her before killing her, tearing her insides with their knifes, just. For. Fun” he spat, voice low and dangerous.

This time, he saw the blow coming and caught Panam’s hand before the slap connected. They glared at each-other, and V saw the fat tears pearling on his lover’s eyes. Seeing her cry made the rage wash away inside his body, replaced with a terrible despair and he felt his own eyes burn with the urge to cry. Breathing raggedly, he let her go.

“Alt can…” he started but Panam cut him.

“No, it’s my turn to speak, V,” she took a deep breath, straightening herself. “Half of what you’ve described could already happen to her. You’ve seen us, we’re less and less numerous, and even if we are better protected, we are dying faster than ten years ago. Disease, famine, war, and death,” she enumerated with passion, “They are already there, it’s her world! But at least she is free to try to live a good life in it, with whatever cards she’s been dealt. Free to _choose_ , V.”

He snorted.

“Oh my, no wonder I fell for you and Johnny, you really are the same, with all your talks of freedom. But what fucking good is freedom if we are all dead? Let’s be fucking pragmatic for once!” he bellowed angrily.

“You can’t mean that, it’s not you.” She cried out.

“I’ve changed, becoming a program can do that to ya!” he replied with the same heat.

“Not that much, I can’t believe it, stop trying to convince yourself you’re doing the right thing when you’re just being a fucking coward! Fuck, I can’t believe I gave my daughter such a spineless father!” Panam hollered. They were close again, and he wanted to hurt her so much because he could feel the wall inside his head start to crack and he couldn’t afford that. Behind that wall laid his doubts, his rebellious spirit, and his hope for a brighter future.

“I’m not doing the right thing, I doing the necessary thing!” V replied, his throat raw with the screaming.

“No, you are just doing the easy thing; you obey when you should fight, and you _know_ it!”

The storm ragged inside his head, black clouds forming on the horizon. Maybe she felt it, maybe she was just that; a force of nature, but Panam didn’t let him breath.

“You’re so afraid of the fight, and I fucking get it: I’m tired of it too! I’m…” she let out a strangled sob, “I’m just so tired of counting food, of planning routes, of watching them get sick, of hearing that the corpo are stealing more and more of our lives. Sometimes I… Sometimes I also wish I was dead.”

She took his face into her hands, forcing him to look at her shinning brown eyes, to see every age-line on her magnificent face and he stayed like that, enthralled by her understanding of him.

“I get it V.” she whispered against his lips. “You were so alone the last time, most of your life you were alone. And I know you are afraid for us, like I am for the clan. But saving us will not happen with Alt.”

The light struck inside his head, the thunder flash tearing up the wall. It exploded in a million pieces of starlight. V let his head fall against her shoulder, his body going lax against her. The tears fell from his eyes, at last

“I don’t know how…” he admitted as tears flowed freely against Panam’s neck. “I don’t know where to start.”

She enveloped him in her arms, pressing tightly.

“Then talk to your friends. We can help you figure it out.”.

They stayed like that for a while before Panam pushed him slightly and gave him a watery smile.

“Fuck, the whole camp probably heard us,” she said softly as she replaced a lock of V’s hair. He dried her eyes with his thumb, looking at her intently.

“I want to kiss you,” he replied and she smiled before pushing up against him, granting him his wish. He sighed into it, savoring their embrace and felt lighter than he ever had since coming back.

Head against head, they found a new strength in their locked gaze.

“I have to check on the camp, I bet they are hovering as we speak, trying to decide if they’ll have to kill you and how.”

V chuckled and let her go, respectful of her obligations as clan leader.

“Co-leading with Saul all right?”

At this, her face fell a bit.

“Saul is sick. Cancer. So, it’s me alone more often than not.”

This saddened him, and echoed with pain he felt for Kerry’s deteriorating health. He told her so with a gentle stroke of thumb against her cheek.

“Sorry I wasn’t there the last ten years. I’ll try to make it up to ya. All of ya.”

“Well, that’s just typical men behavior, so…” she tried to joke, but it fell flat. “I’m just happy you’re here right now. It’s not something I ever hoped to get… I’m grateful for it.”

He didn’t deserve her. But he would try to in the future.

“If it’s ok with you, I would like to stay a bit and… Properly meet Valeria.”

Panam nodded and slowly turned before taking a deep breath. When she got out of the tent, she was a hundred percent the Aldecaldos clan leader again.

V only had to wait for a few minutes before he heard Mitch voice outside. “You can go in, Valy, and don’t worry, if you don’t want to talk to him anymore, you can just go.”

Her small voice replied with an ok, and soon the flap of the tent’s entrance opened.

V took his time to look at her. She was Aldecaldos through and through: her clothes were ratty, and covered in oil stains, but it was obviously well cared for and patched several times over. Maybe a favorite. She was wearing a washed-out jean overall and a miniature Aldecaldos jacket. She looked so much like Panam that V felt a hysterical laugh bubble inside him, but he held it not to frighten her. She must already think he was crazy, having a shout-out in the middle of the camp with her mother. Valeria came tentatively closer, eying him warily.

V had sat on the chair in front of the bed. There was only one bed, so Panam must be sleeping with her still.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I, huh… I would like to speak with you… If you want.”

She didn’t seem convinced by the idea, but she had not bolted away yet so V counted it as a victory.

“Mom said you came back from a faraway place.” Valeria started.

“Well, she is right. In a way.” He commented, not knowing the full extent of what Panam had told her daughter. Their daughter.

“Where was it?”

This time, V couldn’t help but chuckle nervously.

“You know the Net?” he asked and she nodded once, still very serious. “That’s where I was.”

“That’s not possible, it’s not really a place,” the little girl countered knowingly.

“Yeah, you’re right. But I was… Like in a coma?” he tried, and again she acquiesced. “But it was not a normal coma, and I ended up stored in the net. Beyond the Black Wall.”

Valeria seemed to judge the plausibility of it and after a few seconds, she nodded again.

“Ok. That’s cool. Did you meet any AI? Carol says there are powerful AIs beyond the Black Wall, that’s why we can’t really go. But if you went, you probably saw them?”

V reclined in his chair and smiled.

“Yep, I met them. Some were my friends, even.”

Valeria came more fully into the tent and sat on her bed.

“I have friends too, here. Today they went in town with their parents though. There is Samy, and Bene, her full name is Benedict, but we call her Bene.”

“And what do your friends call you?” he asked, and felt the answer come before she said it.

“The grown-ups call me Valy, or Valeria when they are angry at me, but my friends call me V.”

He felt his heart beat stop before restarting at a fast canter. She was his daughter, with a name given in honor of his memory, and an alias she shared with him. He was _so not ready_ for this.

“Ok,” V roughly said, “You know it’s my mane too? V?”

Her eyes were stuck on him but he found her hard to read, just like her mother.

“Mom told me, yes. She told me she did it on purpose, so that I would have something of you.”

The feeling inside V was getting bigger and bigger, and it was bad. He felt like crying again.

“So… How should I call you?”

She seemed to ponder this seriously.

“You can’t call me V; it would be too confusing for you. But you’re my father so, you could call me Valy.” She allowed magnanimously.

He chuckled and nodded in accord before changing the subject, eager to get back on simpler matters: “Do you have any other friends?”

“There is also Lisa and Torrigan. But right now, I’m worried for Samy and Bene, because in town there is the smelly gang.”

“The smelly gang?”

“That’s how we call them, they are our nemesis,” Valeria explained very seriously and V laughed frankly. Of course, she would already have a nemesis, or several it seemed. A whole gang.

“Are you winning?”

“Of course!” she scoffed, vexed.

V chuckled again and let his eyes roam over her, cataloguing the wonder she was. Valeria must have found his silence an opportunity to ask the question that really mattered to her, because she inquired:

“Are you really my father?”

The adult cleared his throat nervously.

“Your mother says so, and I believe her. “

“I don’t look like you.”

Ok, V thought, he was definitely not going through this explanation now.

“I’ll bring you some photos of when I was little, then we can compare. People change a lot when growing up.” Her father offered and that seemed to satisfy her.

“Wanna see my animal collection? I really love animals. I know most of them don’t exist anymore but I still like to collect them.”

She got up, not waiting for an answer and went to a box in the back of the tent that she brought to the middle so that V could see the contents. Inside were over twenty little wood sculptures of animals, painted by hand.

“Saul did most of them. I painted the bodies and mom or Mitch did the faces, you know, the details. I tried once but… “

She trailed off and V could imagine her frustration at not perfectly achieving such a delicate task on the first try. Maybe she had thrown the animal away in anger, just like her mom sometimes did with pieces of machinery. He smiled at her.

“They are very beautiful!” he said while picking a cat from the box.

“Well, could you do one maybe? I don’t know if you can, but Saul is getting sicker and sicker, so he can’t do new ones…”

While explaining this, she played with a bear, her face hidden behind a curtain of dark hair. V felt a pinch in his heart. Saul probably was the closest thing she had had of a father. And she knew she was losing him.

“I’m not like Saul,” he explained, “I can’t do it as well as him, but I can try. That won’t replace his talent, though.”

“That’s ok. Mom says we just have to try our best.”

Throat suddenly tight, V nodded.

“Then I’ll try my best.”

When Samy and Bene came back from town with their parents about an hour later, Valeria lost interest in V. She said she had to check on them and hear their report. He laughed and with a wave, told her goodbye. She then darted off.

He went in search of Panam, but met Jake on the way who informed him she was in a meeting with the senior members, planning their next heist and thus not available. He asked Jake to tell her he was going, that her daughter was with her friends and that he would come back soon. Jake smiled in agreement and V went to his bike.

Instead of going back to his and Johnny’s appartement, V detoured to River’s home. When he arrived, he was greeted by Dorian who, understandably, whitened when he saw him. It probably was like seeing a specter. V smiled reassuringly.

“Hey, promise I’m not a ghost, ok. Is River home?”

Still rooted to the spot, the adolescent nonetheless nodded and pointed toward the backyard. With a small thank, V went in and found River cleaning his guns.

“Hey,” he said to announce himself.

“V! Hey buddy! Nice of ya to come visit.”

“Well, yeah, I think Dorian pissed himself out of fear seeing me.”

River had the gall to laugh.

“Ok, I’ll talk to him after. Sit down,” he gestured, getting up himself to look for beers. V took the offered seat and sighed deeply.

“Ok, that’s the sigh of a man in need of a good talk with his best friend.” River commented when he appeared back with two bottles. Sitting back down, he put his guns away in a safety box. River took gun management very seriously and the number one rule was no guns with alcohol.

Taking the beer, V didn’t reply, but scratched at the label.

“Cheer,” River still said, clinking his bottle with V’s.

Taking a big gulp, V tried to order his thoughts. Patiently, River waited with an attentive expression. River reminded him of Jackie, which was probably why they had become fast friends after their encounter. Sometimes, V had imagined both his best friends meeting, and had a good mental laugh at the imagined result.

“Did you know I had a daughter?” he finally asked.

River slowly took a sip of his drink.

“Yes,” he replied simply. “She told me at your funeral.”

V had gathered that they had all met at his funeral. Kerry and Panam had knew of each other before, V having explained his polyamory to them when he had started having a relationship with either, but they had never properly met.

When he had been in contact with Takemura regarding Hanako fight against her brother, Goro had told him that his funeral had been a strange affair, where people who had nothing in common met. But he had implied that they had all kept contact, and not only to celebrate his death anniversary each year.

Still, he didn’t know of their interpersonal relationships yet, only that Kerry and Panam saw each other often, judging by Kerry’s sayings.

“I met Valeria a few times. Bright girl.” River added, answering V silent wonderings.

“Well, I met her today.”

Silence. River let him set the pace. V closed his eyes and slowly let his head fall backward.

“Alt’s plan consists of taking control of every Night-City citizen who has a cyberware installed,” he declared matter-of-factly. He felt River still on the other side of the cheap Formica table.

“That’s nearly everyone.” The independent investigator swiftly realized.

“Exactly.”

“And those who don’t have one?”

“Will be either subdued and converted, of killed if they resist. Then, it’s the same plan for the rest of the world.”

More silence as River absorbed the information.

“Tell me you don’t plan on going on with it.”

V opened his eyes and looked downward.

“I was.”

V inwardly thanked his friend’s patience and self-control because once more, the other man didn’t interrupt him.

“Truth is, Alt’s data is pretty compelling. I have it crammed inside my head and I don’t see another path than humanity’s utter self-destruction… Or letting Alt take control and put everything in order. She is planning on letting us have freedom again, in a few generations, when she is sure we are not going to self-destruct again.”

“But will she, really?”

V shrugged, clearly unsure. He had thought about this too, extensively.

“From what I have observed of human nature, we are easily drifting toward self-destruction. It’s living well that’s hard.” His friend wisely explained.

“Which is exactly why I can’t see another way. So I’m here, basically having to choose between my belief in freewill and self-determination, and the destruction of humanity in terrible sufferings. Because let me tell you that what awaits us is not funny.”

“I hear you.” River acknowledged. “But is there really a choice?”

V looked at him with a sad smile.

“There really isn’t,” he whispered. “I just can’t let Alt do that to us. But I’m so afraid of the consequences. And having a daughter neither made it better nor worse, it just gave it an incarnation.”

He drank deeply, finishing the beer in one go. He so wished for the numbness of alcohol.

“And you know what’s worse? I’m not even sure I could stop her!” V bemoaned, “Alt, I mean, she can basically access my head whenever she wants. She could be listening to me plotting a rebellion right now and fry my brain for it. I think the only reason she didn’t already is because it didn’t occur to her that I could disagree with her. Not after seeing what I’ve seen.”

“Well, then that’s where you start: preventing her from taking control.” River replied like it was obvious. “Saving the human race can only come after. You know what she knows, V, but she is just another messiah. You are a real human being and you can act. She can’t. That’s why she sent you.”

V let out a mean laugh.

“Man, you don’t understand, she is like… The Queen of AIs, _Empress beyond the Black Wall_ , you don’t just stop her.”

“Yeah but she’s still just a program. She can’t get past the Black Wall.”

And V suddenly had a thought. In his despair, and after ten years of being on call for her, losing bit of his personality inside her code, he had forgotten what River had just pointed out.

“She is just a program,” he repeated. “Fuck, yeah. She _is_ just a program!”

V leaped on his feet, and River looked at him, taken aback by his sudden eureka. Putting his hands on the ex-cop’s shoulders, V laughed.

“Man, you’re a fucking treasure!”

“Ok, V,” River chucked, “I’m glad to see you happy again but, care to explain to your slow buddy?”

“To integrate a body, the Soulkiller used specific settings. Saburo wanted the engram to be untouched in the transfer, because he planned on using it for himself. But Hellman also had theorized that different settings could probably lock-down certain parts of an engram. He was thinking of creating immortal super-soldiers, ones Arasaka would have had control over, but ones capable of human thoughts and emotions.”

V was pacing, he felt free for the first time since coming back. He experienced such elation that his hands itched to start working on his newborn idea.

“You mean that you could trap her inside a human body, when the transfer happens?”

“Exactly, and because it happens on our side, we could blind-side her, change the parameters during transfer. I know that during this moment, I couldn’t control or change anything.”

But Alt was not like him; she was way better. She might still retain some control during transfer, or would at least be able to stop it, he was nearly sure of it.

Except… Except, he though, if on the other side, they were also trapping her.

“I’ll need the help of the cluster.” He muttered. “Without them, it’s impossible to be sure. And if she discovers the plan too early, we’re all doomed.”

“The cluster?” River asked.

“My… Numerical siblings?” he tried and his friend frowned comically. “Other AIs captured in Mikoshi. Alt freed them when we destroyed the software. We’re like, connected. I could probably contact them. But… Actually, I don’t know if they would help, let only could.”

But it was clear that he had to try.

“Man, I actually have a plan, or the beginning of one!” He laughed and River shook his head.

“Well I never doubted you would, you just needed to get your head out of your ass.”

V looked at his friend, still grinning manically.

“Let’s get drunk,” he said and River only answer was a booming laugh.

Coming back to his appartement the morning after was hell. V cursed River and his bull-like constitution that had out-drinked him by a mile. Childishly, V had tried to meet his friend drink for drink. Well, the result was that by midday the day after, V still felt barely human.

He opened the door to the flat and was automatically assailed by the rancid smell of cold tobacco. The place was a mess; it still bore the traces of Rogue and Johnny after party, but with now more detritus and, it seemed, a smashed bottle of tequila on the floor.

He was taking stock of it when Johnny came out of the bathroom, freshly showered.

“Looks like you were having a nice solo party, Silverhand.” V commented, to which the other man shrugged.

“Could have been a nicer, two persons party, if a little shit of a merc had not disappeared on me to go see his input.”

Going to the kitchen and searching cabinets for pain meds, V smiled.

“I went to see River after Panam, needed to think.”

“Can’t think here? Am I too distracting?” Johnny countered, picking half-heartedly at the glass shards on the floor.

Once he had located the meds, V poured himself a glass of water and drank deeply before looking at Johnny who was throwing the shards in the bin.

“Panam has a daughter. My daughter.”

Johnny stilled then slowly straightened before cocking a hip against the counter. He faced V.

“Ok. Is that a good or bad news?”

V snorted but had to give it to Johnny to know him so well.

“Not sure at first. Still not sure actually. But that made me wonder.”

“Oh fuck, we’re doomed,” Johnny flatly declared. V ignored him.

“We can’t go with Alt’s plan. It’s not right.”

Johnny eyes flashed before he pushed himself off the counter and walked to the balcony, taking his pack of cigarette and lighting one once outside.

Following him, V silently took the pack from the other man back pocket and lighted one for himself.

They smoked in silence, Johnny studiously ignoring his gaze. V took the time to just watch him and bask in the feeling of happiness it brought him. He only just started to comprehend that he had a second chance. A chance to make everything all right. A chance to love Johnny.

“You know I agree with you,” Johnny declared when his cigarette was nearly finished. “But I barely dare to think ‘bout it. She discovers it, and we’re dead. She would take control. The program she wrote as a back door only has that purpose.”

“And yet, we’re plotting, and we’re still alive. I’m plotting since yesterday actually. I think she didn’t think us capable of it.”

“She didn’t think _you_ would be. She thought I would.” The other man revealed and V frowned.

“What?”

Glancing at him with unreadable eyes, Johnny grimaced.

“She told me ‘Johnny, I’m sending you back with V only because I want you to stop naggin’ me, but I don’t trust you, I know this plan goes against everything in you’.” He badly imitated Alt.

“But then why did she let you come?”

Johnny looked at him and smiled sadly before he continued with the same ridiculous voice: “But I know you’d do anything for V, so if you’re nice, and play along, then nothing happens to him and you get…” he trailed off, averting his gaze.

The universe stilled, suspended.

“Get what?” V whispered. Johnny glanced at him, their eyes colliding.

“Get my deepest wish,” he continued in a breath “The one that made me hold to a sense of self for so long, even as she tried time and time again to integrate me.”

V felt a sudden cold come over him as he understood the implication of what he had just been told: That’s why Johnny had been so absent during their ten years in the cyberspace. All this time, when V had though Alt had used Johnny for her own pleasure and rekindling their old flame, she had been holding him, trying to absorb him, to erase him.

Johnny turned to him and stroked his cheek before putting his forehead against V’s. He looked at him straight in the eyes when he talked again with a voice barely above a whisper, his hot breath making V lips tingle.

“To be with you, physically. Have you, give myself to you…”

V took hold of Johnny wrists and held on tightly, suddenly understanding how close he had come to lose the man forever. He wanted to say something, but before he could formulate the thought, Johnny continued:

“So you see, she had thought of it, just didn’t think _you_ would rebel. She thought you were too pragmatic for it, that after she would have opened your eyes to the truth, you would be her first prophet. Her own Peter, on whom she could built her church.” Johnny finished somberly. “So, Peter, will you deny her thrice before the cock crows?”

And V felt such an impotent rage invade him, like the one he had felt with Panam the day before. Alt had tried to null Johnny, had time and time again attacked him, torn up his code, tortured his self until Johnny, in despair had made a deal with her, made a deal with the devil.

“I’m going to fucking destroy her.” V promised with a snarl.

V took a shower to calm down, while Johnny went out to check bodies, as was becoming their daily routine; either Rogue or River would call them with a lead on a body that could meet their needs and one of them would check. Rogue had called as they were still in embrace on the balcony, effectively ending the moment.

Drying his hair distractingly, V felt the cogs fall into place. The means to his plans were slowly coming together. Taking his holo, he sent a single line message to Goro and waited, pacing the room.

The man replied within the following half hour with the affirmative, and V thanked him for his swiftness. Checking the details Goro had sent, V confirmed that he would be there, tomorrow morning at first lights. Satisfied, he then crashed for the rest of the afternoon in his bed, fast asleep despite the turmoil in his head: his body still recovering from the night of drinking.

He woke up when he heard the front door opening and closing as Johnny came back. The sun was setting, V remarqued as he looked through the blinds of the bedroom window. Stretching like a cat on the covers, he sighed contentedly.

Johnny entered the room without knocking, which V hadn’t expected otherwise. But he stopped on the threshold, rooted to the spot.

Raising himself on his elbow, V watched him watch him. Bathed in the rose and orange tint of the declining light, Johnny’s shadows appeared deeper, and he felt more dangerous, like he was covered in warpaint. His eyes shone as they ran over V’s naked body slowly and the other man felt a thrill course through his body. Smiling, he opened his legs slightly and heard Johnny sharp intake of breath. Like the panther he was, said man prowled to the edge of the bed and put one knee on the mattress.

“Hey, Rockerboy,” V whispered, a sweet laugh bubbling on his lips.

Johnny didn’t reply, too busy raking his eyes all over V’s naked and tattooed skin. He put his hand on V’s side and let it follow the path his eyes had taken; down his thigh, sliding inside and back up again to his stomach, his collarbone and to his neck.

Moving with a supple sway of hips, Johnny got on all four over V, forcing him back on the bed as he bent to put his lips on the man’s neck. His lips barely brushed the skin, slowly trailing up, then back down in a sensual tickle. Then, his mouth opened more and he put wet kisses on V’s jaw, nipping until he got to his mouth. Holding himself still, refusing to arch into the touches yet, the younger man parted his lips in a sigh and let himself be kissed fully. It was like a switch inside Johnny’s brain had been activated, because his soft demeanor took on a more urgent feeling. His metal hand gripped V’s hair, forcing him to throw his head back while the other pushed firmly down against V’s side in an intense caress toward his thigh. The kiss turned devouring when V moaned in appreciation, putting both hand in Johnny’s hair, holding his face. Their mouth collided, glided against one another in sensual strokes of tongue. Johnny bit on V’s lower lip when said man rolled up against him in a hard tease.

Abruptly releasing his partner, Johnny got up on his knees and took off his shirt in a fluid movement as V watched him. Then, he shuffled out of his pants, revealing his rapidly hardening cock. Bending over V again to get back to where he had stopped, he was suddenly impeded by V’s foot holding him off against the top of his thigh, one hand pushing slightly against his torso. Frowning, Johnny looked at him while he put his hand on V leg to push it aside, but the other man resisted, smiling.

“What do you want Johnny?” V asked in a warm voice. Between them, his excitation was apparent but his face he appeared totally cool, which seemed to annoy his partner.

“Think it’s rather obvious.” Johnny grunted.

“Not at all, and I didn’t agree to anything. Yet.”

The other man froze, feeling the trap close around him. He had had occasions of observing this many times when V had been with Panam or Kerry, but he had not thought it would happen with him.

“Fuck, V, no.”

“Tell me what you want, Johnny, and I’ll tell you if I’m ok with it.”

As he said it, V stroked Johnny’s cheek softly and pushed up to kiss him on the corner of his mouth.

“I wanna hear it Johnny, you know me, nothing will happen otherwise.”

“You’re a damn tease and a cock-blocker, and I really fuckin’ hate you right now. Are you seriously gonna let me die of blues balls, here?” Johnny spat, but he couldn’t really concentrate on being mean when V, now seated, was letting his hands wander everywhere, detouring by Johnny’s inside thigh, so close to where he wanted to be touched.

V looked at him, still smiling. He could feel the tension inside Johnny. This went against everything in him. He never asked, he always took. That way, he made sure it couldn’t be refused, couldn’t be rejected nor denied. He was a man used to conquer, not negotiate, and a being of violence, not soft touches. Sex was another form of fight for him, one he loved to excel at and where his partners orgasms equaled to their yielding. At the end of the sensual battle, there was one standing, domineering, and one laying down, submitting.

Taking pity on Johnny, and knowing it would take time for him to learn to ask, V switched techniques.

He pushed Johnny slightly, making him sat back and let him rearrange himself comfortably before crawling over him, sitting snugly on his splayed thighs.

“Well then I will tell you what I want, and then you can agree.”

Again, Johnny was on the verge of protesting, but V kissed him, rolling his hips against the other man, pushing his ass out and slithering back slowly in a sensual dance. That shut the former rocker up.

“I want you to push me back on the bed and hold me down. I want you to kiss and bite me everywhere, because I want to wear your marks tomorrow.” He whispered, eyes closed against Johnny’s lips.

“Then I want you to lay down as I suck your cock. I want you to put your hands in my hair and push. I want you to use me for your pleasure,” V whispered against his ear and Johnny moaned, his hands tightening against V’s side as they rocked rhythmically together. “But! I want you to stop before you come. Will you do that, Johnny?” V asked, opening his eyes. When Johnny didn’t reply, he tugged on his hair and bit him softly.

“Will you do that for me, Johnny?” he repeated and this time, the man nodded with a groaned yes.

Smiling, V kissed him softly and rolled harder against him.

“Then, I want you to watch me prepare myself while you touch yourself. And when I’m ready, I want you to fuck me from behind, laying over me, covering me, filling me until I can’t think of anything but the slow push and pull of your _cock inside me_ ”

Panting, Johnny’s movements were becoming hieratic and V let out a laugh against his lips.

“Look at you, all worked up just from hearing what I want you to do to me.”

He received a bite on the soft skin of his neck, right on his fluttering pulse, for his mocking tone. Johnny’s hands were now gripping his ass, his metallic arm’s sharp edges contrasting with the warmth of his other hand.

“And,” V murmured, “I want you to make me come like that, with your cock still inside before coming over my ass and letting your come _drip_ over my used hole.”

“ _Fuck_!” Johnny exclaimed and pushed V on his back, covering him like he had asked, raising his arms above his head to hold him down. But, to his never-ending frustration and mounting anger, V stopped him with his foot again.

“Do you want that, Johnny?” he asked, looking him straight in the eyes.

Again, Johnny tried to by-pass him but that was without counting on V’s knowledge of the other man. He anticipated his move and countered.

“Do you, Johnny?” he asked again, firmly but without heat.

“Fucking shit! Yeah of course I do, damn you V!” he exploded, eyes wild and desperate.

And just like that, his companion smiled and went pliant under him. The change was so abrupt that Johnny had a moment of pause. He looked at V’s body, strong and unyielding a moment before, now soft and silken and felt a spike of pure want. His lover was breathing more deeply, obviously aroused and seemed to wait on the older man to make his move. Feeling back in control, he pushed against V’s arms above his head, a clear sign to keep them there as he let his hands trail along his lover’s arms to his sides. Like V wished, he kissed him everywhere. It was more bites than kisses at first, still passably angered and in need of retaliation, but as V softly hummed under each touch, it transformed into softer play and he was soon sucking on the inside of V sensitive thigh, tonguing the part where it met the pelvic bone and deriving, slowly but surely, to V’s cock. He had said everywhere, after all. And for once, Johnny proceeded to do _just as he had been told_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had trouble with this first sex scene, because I tortured myself with the need for explicit consent and Johnny’s character which, from what we can see in the game, isn’t really inclined that way. And then I realized it would be boring to read exactly what V had told, so I cut the scene there. But I promise you future sex scene will be ehm… more fulfilling? 
> 
> I think the story also really start here, we are entering the main conflict and the hurt and the angst is right at the corner.   
> I  
> ’m really happy to share this story, even though I can see that Johnny/Male V is clearly not such a popular ship. Well, we don’t choose our obsessions, they choose us. It was really a surprise to me; I really didn’t plan on writing such a behemoth of a fiction, especially in English, but the story was really clear in my head. It took me two weeks to write it, and occupied all my evenings and week-end, but I had such fun writing it! 
> 
> Anyway, lets finish with a few songs:  
> MALO – March of progress  
> MALO – Old soul  
> Pyramid – Vision  
> VOLO, CloZee – Soul Search


	5. He denied it and said "I am not"

On the vee hours of morning, V was up. Pale light bathed the room with a strange preternatural glow. Passing a hand over his face, he observed the shadows shift slowly, like he had watched the Black Wall glitter for the last ten years.

Slowly getting up as to not disturb Johnny laying fast asleep next to him, V put both feet on the carpeted floor.

He was a man at war again.

Behind his eyelids, when he briefly closed his eyes, he saw Johnny’s memories of the war; terrible visions of burned earth, screams into the night, bloody mornings and the incessant noise of guns. It was permanently ingrained in his brain, and part of himself. But he had always been able to recognize them as not his. This morning they felt more real than ever.

In complete silence, he dressed, made a detour by the bathroom to freshen up then came back. Leaning against the door frame, he watched Johnny’s prone form, his naked back, his metal arm slipped under his pillow. Even in sleep he was frowning.

V made his way to the bed and bended over the sleeping man to delicately place a kiss on his cheekbone.

Better Johnny didn’t know where he was going.

He left.

The Arasaka tower was silent, and V took a moment to note the changes. The company had lost a lot of ground after Yorinobu’s removal from the board; the murder of Saburo by his own son had been difficult to hide to the press, once the whole board had been in the confidence. In the end, the full story came out and news reel had a field day with it for weeks, delighted over the fall of such a powerful empire. To make matter worse, just like Goro had explained, Hanako did not have unanimity: most had expected her to be just a figurehead. Internal battle raged over the ashes of the Taka Faction, and Hanako barely made it alive and still in power by cheer luck. Or so her adversaries had thought, but it held more to the fact of having a benefactor from beyond the Black Wall. V had made sure she remained at the head of the corporation, even if he had not seen to her protection or well-being beyond this.

Her style was apparent in the lobby. It was a perfect mix of traditional and modern Japanese influence, overlayed by a pure Night City feeling. She was good at making compromise, V gathered, and that’s what probably kept her alive for the last ten years. Recently, Arasaka had once more gained leverage and power with innovations and a change of politics. Clearly, being a major benefactor in a Foundation helping poor children had helped with their image to the mass.

V stopped on the threshold as he experienced flashback of the last time he had come here, guns blazing. If he concentrated, he could pinpoint the exact place were each man and woman had fallen against his onslaught. Spotting the surveillance camera like he always did when he entered a building, he shut them down just for fun with a blink.

Behind the counter, the host received the notification of the dysfunction and frowned before putting it aside in favor of welcoming V.

“Welcome to the Arasaka Tower, how may I help?” he said with a genuine smile. 

“I’ll take it from here, Andrew, thank you,” said a voice to the right, coming out of a private elevator hidden in the wall.

Andrew bowed slightly in the formal Japanese greeting. If he was surprised to see his boss coming to greet a guest herself, he was too professional to show it.

Her hair was still bright blue, but she wore it in a more severe headdress, which reflected more on her status as head of Arasaka corporation here in America. Dressed in stylish black and gold overall, she reminded V of a fox: she was clever, quick on her feet and possessed an agile, creative mind. They looked at each other, gauging one another, sizing their opponent across the lobby.

With a gesture of hand, she invited him to walk back to the elevator. Once inside, arms crossed, she looked resolutely straight ahead in silence. V leaned against the back mirror and continued to observe her.

He knew she had a past as a private investigator, sometimes even a spy, and that she had worked against her own family for a while after the fourth corporation war. She was not a netrunner and a scan confirmed this; although she was well protected, her defenses were all automatic.

In the office that once belonged to Saburo Arasaka, Michiko navigated with ease. The room had a stunning view of Night City and V was automatically drawn to it. Behind him, she sat casually in one of the highbacked revolving chair positioned left of the desk in a cozier corner for negotiations.

Once he had drunk in the view, he slowly turned and took the opposite chair without being invited to it. A beat passed between them in silence.

“Do you take pleasure in the power you hold over my family?” Michiko asked.

V shifted in his seat, making himself more comfortable.

“Do you take pleasure in the lives your corporation destroys?”

Scoffing, the woman drummed her fingers against the arm of her seat. She got up and went to the desk, caressing the wood.

“When I took this office, I had the desk remade. It was a gigantic thing, took all the space, very impractical. But I had it made from the original desk. Which was a copy of the one still in Tokyo, at the headquarter.”

She continued to look at the desk, pensively.

“Is this a way of telling me that you are a reformist, but not a nihilist?” V offered, playing her game.

She smiled, her teeth glinting for a second in a very un-Japanese way. Half sitting on the desk, she looked down at V.

“What can Arasaka do for you, then?”

V forced himself to breath slowly, on the verge of his first betrayal.

“Tell me about your work here.” He demanded, and she couldn’t completely hide her surprise at the choice of subject. Glinting at him, he saw her ponder his move carefully. Her answer was tentative.

“I serve as a relay for Hanako-san, I basically deploy her strategy here in America.”

“Her strategy seems very different from her father’s, or her brother’s.”

Again, Michiko let an intermission before answering.

“Your intervention ten years ago might have helped preventing the destruction of the corporation by my uncle crazy scheme, but in no-way did it save us. We lost assets, support from powerful political allies, and stock market. People switched side in the blink of an eye. I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was anyway.” She confessed.

The woman crossed her arms, but her expression didn’t change, there was no judgement in her tone, it was factual. Still, V felt the need to justify himself.

“It wasn’t my plan. I was doing a favor to Goro Takemura.”

“Whom you then forced off of Arasaka, his whole life.”

“Looks like he bounced back just fine and helped you along the way”, V replied snidely, a Cheshire Cat’s smile slowly appearing on his face.

Her lips twitched minutely. It felt like they were a moment away from snarling at each other like animals.

“Men and their savior complex.” She stage-whispered, to which he shrugged.

Again, Michiko got up, this time going to the window and watching the city.

“When you made Hanako take the role of CEO, you nearly condemned us all. I must admit I didn’t believe she could take it. She is a being of the shadows, and her heart was too loyal to her father. When you asked for my grand-father engram to be destroyed, you really had her cornered.”

V waited patiently for her to continue. He wasn’t here to talk about the Arasaka family but he felt like she had to get that off her chest before they could talk about his… problem.

“But once again, your meddling turned out mostly fine. She made it. And because she is first and foremost a woman of heart, she took us another way. I don’t think it was even planned on her part, it was just the only way she saw, raised as she had been to be the cement to our dysfunctional family. Well she cemented us alright.” The last part, she whispered to the glass, and to the city beyond.

Turning back to him, she asked “Did you know that she is only seven years my senior? Nowadays, it feels like she is a century older.”

V sighed.

“Are you looking for an apology?” he asked.

“Are you hoping for a thank you?” she retorted and he laughed.

“No, I couldn’t care less about the state of your affairs. I’m here to offer you the possibility to make a name for Arasaka again. To be part of something greater than you could imagine, and be on the right side of history for once.”

Michiko scoffed.

“And what it this something so important?”

“Saving the world,” he answered simply.

Michiko stilled and fixed him with another of her razor-sharp gaze, and although V was certain she was no netrunner, it felt like she’d just scanned him. She must have read his seriousness because she frowned in puzzlement.

“Either your ego is that big, or…”

She made her way around the table and sat back in the chair, suddenly all business-like.

“Or you know something I don’t.”

“I know many things you don’t, and what I’m about to tell you is one among many.”

The Arasaka American Branch Director crossed her legs and let her arms rest comfortably on the armrests.

“I’m listening.” She declared.

And so V committed his first betrayal and told her about Alt’s plans to take control over humanity and of his own plan to stop her. Michiko listened in silence, her expression unreadable as he finished outlining the challenge of the situation.

“I need your best programmers and netrunners, and the most secure and private network possible. I will give them the keys for the program, but I can’t code it myself.” V concluded.

The woman stayed silent for a while before answering him.

“That’s assuming we have someone better than Alt Cunningham. From what you described she seems even more powerful than before. How do you expect this to work?”

“Because she will be distracted from the other side. I have… Siblings, still there. I believe they would agree to help in exchange for their freedom.”

Silence again. It was like playing chess, V felt.

“I might have someone. I might have what you need. We pushed it aside, because Hanako was too afraid of developing a new Soulkiller on the way, but…”

“But you still had it going silently, under her radar,” V finished with an eyeroll. “See Michiko, that’s why I put Hanako CEO and not you.”

“It’s more like I kept the girl around, didn’t want her to sell her talents elsewhere, but I had to keep her occupied.”

V looked at her, judging her truthfulness.

“For once, I don’t care, if you think she can do it, then that all I ask.”

“I ask for something too.” She declared and got up.

He chuckled.

“I wasn’t aware this was a negotiation. But let’s say I was in a good mood and wanted to hear you, what would you want?”

From the other side of the table, illuminated by the red sun getting up and up over Night City, she looked aflame, like a phoenix.

“I want to meet the man who bombed this tower for love, who fascinated my grand-father so much he kept an engram of him around, that hated us so much he became a monster parading as a hero. I want so meet Johnny Silverhand.”

V forced himself not to react outwardly. He breathed slowly and shifted his weight slightly, keeping his body loose. He found the request strange, but couldn’t see her purpose.

“And what do you hope would come out of meeting him?”

“I’m just curious. The man Alt Cunningham loved, a notorious rockerboy, the pioneer of the genre even. He must be worth meeting.”

“He is mostly a lot of bullshit.”

“I shall be the judge of that. I just want to see for myself. A meeting is all I ask… Let’s make it a dinner, it will be more comfortable. Tell him to dress well. I will send the details.”

And she sat at the desk, behind her computer, effectively dismissing him. She was well aware of her position and the pressure he could exert over her family, but he gathered it was her way of feeling in control.

“Prepare for disaster,” he ominously declared, “but if you insist, I’ll see about your demand.”

“Please do, I will look into yours. We shall be in touch.”

With another chuckle, he nodded and turned his back on her, going for the elevator.

He detoured on his way back to Judy to surprise her with breakfast. Per luck, she was up and free so he spent an hour chilling with her as she recounted her last ten years. How she had travelled around America, and then when that didn’t quench her pain, to Europe, now grieving for two of her closest friends. V listened without interrupting her, he knew she didn’t want any apologies from him. After Europe, and seeing it still didn’t ease the gnawing hole in her chest, she had come back, for lack of anything better to do. She had spent the following years deep in her work until she was ready to present Memoriam to the world. Judy then explained him how, intrigued by what had happened during their dive, she had continued to explore that way, with the goal of sharing emotions linked to a memory with loved ones. She had thought of possible uses in therapy, or more simply in interpersonal relationships, to share a moment with remote family members. Later and without really wanting to, she had stumbled on a possible variation of her tech, basically creating a mind reader, allowing someone to pluck any memories from a person they were interfaced with. It supposed that both parties wore a BD set, but sensing how it could be used for nefarious intents, she had pushed it aside.

“I have recently been working on it again…” she confided as they smoked on her small balcony, coffee cups in hands. “The first version created a copy of the memory then sent it to the sharer. But. Last time, it kinda glitched and the Holder – that’s the one the memory comes from – completely forgot the memory. It passed to the Receiver though.”

V frowned, but before he could ask her, she added: “It took me a while but I was able to reverse the process.”

“Damn,” the man let out, “that’s…”

“Terrifying, I know. It’s a sign I shouldn’t work on that cursed project.”

“No I meant, yeah it’s terrifying, but also amazing. You really are a wonder, Jud.”

She smiled before crushing the cigarette butt into her small ashtray.

“No, it’s only terrifying. I could implant memories if I wanted, and you wouldn’t now they weren’t yours.”

V had a terrible reminder of the Peralez mission.

“Actually, I think someone has invented something like this and used it already.” And he told her about the Peralez couple.

“Well, he killed himself in the end, right after killing his wife.” Judy informed him.

“Must have though he had no other choice anymore. It was that or becoming a real puppet. But I remember they weren’t only modifying his memories but his whole personality.”

Judy shuddered and V couldn’t help but agree.

“Maybe you should work on something that could protect our memories, so that we are sure it’s our own.”

“Like an engram?” she asked with irony and he chuckled.

“Preferably not. Just. I don’t know, like a signature so you would now it’s your memory.”

At that, she hummed, intrigued.

“Maybe.”

Their comfortable morning was interrupted by a V’s holo notifying him of a new message. It was River, with a new body fitting description of their needs.

“I must go,” V declared with a sigh. Judy nodded but as he turned to go, she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“V… Why do I have a bad feeling about this?”

Taking her hand into his, he tried to smile reassuringly. “I’m just checking bodies,” he tried to joke but her pretty face stayed serious.

“You’re planning on bringing a powerful AI back to life. One the entirety of Netwatch is fighting off daily. Are you sure about that?”

She fixed him with her beautiful dark eyes. Two pearls of the blackest sky imploring him to stay true to himself. If Panam hadn’t already made him get his head out of his ass, V was sure one look like that from Judy would have achieved the same result. He was really a weak man for pretty eyes.

“Yeah. I’m sure of what I’m doing.”

He must have conveyed enough of his assurance to relax her. She smiled, planted a kiss on his left cheek and let him go.

The body was a hit, and as V was sending it back to the secret lab where Goro had set the Soulkiller equipment with Alt new program in. Underneath the machine itself were nine cryopods, waiting for their time. For now, they only had three of the nine vessels Alt had demanded. The hardest one would probably be Alt’s herself. She had required it be a girl not a day over ten years, in perfect physical condition, and with specific genetics. The AI had wanted to make sure she would have peak genes to ensure her a long life on earth. She needed all that time to finish her plan.

As the body was transported back to the lab, V and River decided on having lunch and River told him about a new girl he had met. Maybe this one was the one, River hoped, to which V explained, one more time that there were no “the one” but many “ones” that could make River perfectly happy. But the independent investigator was a (hopeless in V opinion) romantic. Seeing as this debate was a lost one, V simply agreed to meet her when River would be ready, and they parted way when River had to get back to his current investigation.

Coming back to the flat around eleven, V was not surprised to see Johnny still in bed, asleep. The room was full of light, the white of the sheet contrasting with the sleeping figure’s dark hair and beard, barely visible against the pillow. He was on his stomach and the sheet pooled round his hips in a sensual display of defined muscles and tattooed skin, like a work of art from the 18th century. V felt an uncharacteristic surge of possessiveness as he let his eyes roam over his lover’s body. He had once said he would take a bullet for Johnny, it was still the case, more than ever.

Smiling, he got undressed and crawled on all four above Johnny’s back. Trailing his lips against the man’s nape softly, he drew a chaplet of kisses along his spine, pushing the sheet back to access the dimples above his ass. Under his ministrations, his lover shifted slightly, groaning contentedly in half sleep. Stopping with a last kiss on Johnny’s ass, V sensually slid against his partner back, molding his own body against it.

“Johnny,” V whispered, “Johnny can you turn around, please?”

With a huff and a sigh, the man turned slowly, blinking twice with a frowny face and V had to repress a laugh. Where V loved mornings, Johnny was, of course, a nocturnal animal. They shared a love for the night, but V just slept a lot less, always had terrible sleeping habits and becoming a program had certainly not helped that.

Settling back on him, V looked at him with mischievous eyes.

“What?” Johnny rasped, before clearing his throat.

“I want to ride you,” the other man simply declared, and the rockerboy groaned and closed his eyes.

Rocking sensually against him, V continued to devour his expressions with his eyes, cataloguing all his reactions. Like how he would arch a bit when V moved in a particularly deep roll of hips.

Johnny put his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes or hiding his flushed face from his lover. V rocked harder, a sharp pelvic push against the other man’s wood and said man arched more, definitely hiding, then.

With a laugh, V pushed on one hand to catch Johnny’s metal wrist and pull it away from his face before putting it above his head. The other hand followed naturally and they looked at each other.

“So?” V asked again, “Can I ride you Johnny?” he pronounced, his tongue enhancing the name and said man bit back a groan. Johnny would never admit it, but hearing his partner ask for sex so comfortably made him hot like he never imagined it would. His sex life had mostly consisted of no-string attached dalliances, where he had never let any emotions other than mockery pass though him. He had pushed his partners away as soon as attachment appeared. But being stuck with V for several months, unable to escape his host large heart and strong emotions, Johnny felt he had changed against his will.

Feeling his lover roll against him once more, but not moving in position for anything else without his explicit consent, Johnny felt the familial anger spike inside him.

“For god’s sake, yes!” he cursed, but V only laughed good naturally before he sat up on his knees and held out his hand for Johnny to give him the lube. Putting the tube in his hand harshly, the other man settled back more comfortably, ready to enjoy the show.

Like the night before, V prepared himself. He liked that part a lot, his hole being a very erotic and sensitive place for him. V let his fingers trace the rim and pushed barely inside in little goings and comings. Eyes closed and mouth slightly opened, he let the first finger get inside, feeling still lose from yesterday.

Laying under him, Johnny looked at him closely, while touching himself distractively. He zeroed on V’s tattooed abs moving in rhythm with his self-fucking. His hard cock was jutting, proud in arousal and Johnny had the sudden urge to take it into his mouth. But that wasn’t the plan, and he was distracted by V’s moans of pleasure as he took in his second finger.

Johnny let his hands roam over the back of V thighs, gripping his ass cheek slightly and pulling them apart a bit. V opened his eyes and looked at him with a question in his eyes and Johnny bit his own lips before letting his flesh hand slip to V’s entrance.

“Can I?” he asked and V’s smile was so bright as he nodded in agreement that the other man felt pride in himself, like a good boy being praised, followed by a flare of annoyance at this reaction. In retaliation he was purposefully indelicate when he added a finger next to V’s, but the man only moaned at the rough treatment and Johnny whole body tensed in pleasure. He knew V liked it rough, but how rough?

Their fingers moving in tandem soon had V rocking against thin air and cursing in pleasure, calling Johnny’s name as lust mounted like the tide. So his partner stopped him with his other hand, metal denting the smooth skin.

Panting, V nodded and pulled his fingers out delicately. Magnanimously, Johnny helped him by holding his cock in position as he lowered himself on it. Both men moaned, V high, unabashed and clear in the room and Johnny snarling like a big cat.

Above, the younger man set the rhythm he liked best, hands barely brushing his lover torso as he worked his thighs slow and heavy. Under him, Johnny gripped his ass cheeks, helping him go up and down, spurring on their shared pleasure.

V arched, and arched more until he was a perfect bow, his whole body taut and brimming with sensations. A display just for his lover who watched him hungrily.

“Fuck, how are you like this?” Johnny panted as his metal hand slid to V’s waist to support him better while he leaned on his other hand to sit up. He bit on V’s side hard and felt his lover’s breath hitch in answer. He did it again, alternating with kissing the skin and trailing his tongue wetly.

“Wanna mark me as yours again, don’tcha, Johnny?” V asked slyly as he slowed in rhythm and intensity, just to taunt his lover. In answer, said man pinched him, but that only got him a laugh. Smiling, Johnny let his hand trail up V’s body to his neck and he pulled him forward to devour his mouth in a searing kiss.

“Yes, fuck,” he admitted against his lover’s lips and received his own scorching kiss, half bites and tongue, as V took control of their love-making again. He started accelerating his movements, and made them deeper, heavier. Each time he went down, he rolled his hips forward. That, Johnny decided, was going to be the end of him.

Putting his arms around Johnny’s shoulders for support, V caried them toward orgasm fast.

“Damn you, V,” Johnny muttered as he pushed his hips up against his lover to chase his own climax.

Still undulating rhythmically, said lover suddenly froze, mouth slack in a silent scream, arching back as pleasure seized him. Johnny forced himself to still and let his partner use him to a glorious finish. He watched it happen, his neck thrown back, his sweaty skin glowing in the hard light of midday. It was like watching it in 4k as V tensed with three long tremors before his hips slowed and he rolled his head to watch Johnny with half lidded eyes and a soft smile.

Breathing harshly from the want still coursing through him, Johnny had a moment of terrible clearness. He was going to be happy with this man and shit, that was fucking scary.

Maybe feeling he was starting to get lost in his own head, V slowly got off him and pushed him on his back. He trailed kisses on his torso until he reached Johnny’s hard cock. He summarily wiped it with his hand before taking it into his mouth and it effectively shut off his lover’s brain. Back in just pleasure, he closed his eyes and let it happen, as the image of V coming seconds before played in a loop behind his eyelids. It was over when V took him deeper without warning and Johnny felt the pleasure spike, going off inside his cock then coursing through his nerves, along his spine and to his brain before going back to his fingers. He came in V’s mouth in a long, repressed groan.

He was still panting when he felt V move up to kiss him softly on his parted lips.

“Good morning, lover,” the netrunner murmured and Johnny smirked.

He opened his eyes and they gazed at each other in silence, until it was too much emotion for Johnny’s little spoon capacity.

Lying content next to him, V traced patterns on his torso.

“I have news,” he said softly but Johnny felt his good mood shift already. He had a sudden suspicion this glorious wake-up call might have been to mellow him to the news he was about to hear. But he wasn’t sure V was capable of such scheme as it would go against his all his fucking rigid principles about sex.

“Good or bad?” he grunted.

“News,” simply replied V. “First, River and I found a body that will suit Lito.”

Johnny nodded.

“Second,” the younger man paused, but there was no avoiding this. “Second, I have asked Michiko Arasaka for help in developing the program we need to counter Alt.”

Johnny turned his head toward him fast, glaring daggers at him.

“Always with Arasaka, what is it, V? Wanna marry inside the family?”

“If you have other ideas of someone we can contact that would be able to challenge Alt as a netrunnner, don’t hesitate to volunteer the information. Arasaka has the means.”

The truth was that all of Johnny’s (rare) friends were either dead, dying of getting older by the second and none of them skilled enough for what they needed.

“And what did she ask in exchange?” he correctly guessed.

V drummed his fingers on his lover torso in a nervous gesture.

“A diner with you,” he deadpanned.

Johnny’s look of surprise was swiftly replaced by a booming laugh and V estimated it was one of the best reactions he could have hoped for, so he took it gladly.

“Are they losing their touch, or what?” Johnny asked with a mocking tone, but V frowned.

“Don’t underestimate her, she is a damn fox. I don’t know what she wants with you. Only said she wants to meet the man her grand-father was obsessed with, and who bombed the tower for love.”

The other man hummed in reflection. Rubbing his face and letting out a yawn, he then stretched, uncaring.

“Bombing a tower is the least I would do for love,” he declared absently and V curiosity was picked.

“Really? Then, my sweet terrorist, please do tell me what would be your ultimate romantic gesture?”

Johnny looked at him with his signature smug smile.

“Going to war against the all-powerful and omniscient AI I exploded said tower for.”

And, because he liked to be theatrical, he got up in a fluid movement, letting V and his racing heart behind.

The dinner was to happen two days later, at a very select restaurant neither V nor Johnny had ever hoped to set a foot in. Out of the two, V was clearly the most stressed about it, while the other man took it with apparent detachment.

They had recruited the help of Kerry about the suit, because neither of them knew what was fashionable not suitable for such a place. Even the singer was impressed by the venue when his friends told him. He came right after a business meeting, so he was all dressed up in a stylish black jacket vest. It was closing on the side but opened in a wide U from one shoulder to the other, letting his naked gold shine underneath. V was a bit shocked to see him dressed so seriously and the superstar laughed at seeing both his friends faces. He then gave Johnny a black suit-bag, ordering him to try it on.

“Calm down, V,” Kerry tiredly tried again as V paced while Johnny changed in the clothes he had brought. “it’s one of the best protected places on earth, and I think that’s exactly why she chose it. Chick might be more worried about her security than Johnny’s.”

“You don’t get it, that woman has something planned, I can feel it.”

Closing his eyes and praying for patience, the superstar let his head go against the back rest of the couch. In his right hand, his gin and tonic swirled, and the ice cubes clinked.

“Can you please sit down?” he practically begged.

“I should go with him, I can infiltrate the building, I’ve been looking into it and it would be a piece of cake for me.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Kerry burst, “have you gone crazy? Firstly, Johnny doesn’t need your help, he is a grown man, and second, why are you so worried? Scared she will seduce your man or something?”

V replied with an eye roll. “I know he can hold it on his own. Actually, that’s what worries me: that he won’t hold his temper. She has a mind like a chess board. She will rile him up until he wants to kill her.”

“Ah, that I would worry about too,” the other man conceded. Having stopped pacing, V sat heavily in the couch.

“See my point?”

Kerry only raised in glass in answer before drinking a large sip. V was opening his mouth to complain some more when the bathroom door opened and Johnny came out.

“I’m not wearing the tie,” he declared as Kerry got to his feet and rushed to him.

“Man! Look at you, all cleaned up!”

The three pieces suit was all black, but the waistcoat’s satin was interweaved with a dark red thread. Under the light, it would shine and show it’s intricated design. Slouching with both hands in pockets, and with the top two buttons opened, Johnny gave the classical and sever wear a rebellious twist.

“Why not the tie?” Kerry despaired, “I think you’ll blend more if you wear it.”

“I don’t wanna blend with gonks like them, Kerry,” he sneered and his friend rolled his eyes.

“That damn pride will kill you.” He commended, “hell, it already did once.” The producer sighed, raising his hands in defeat. He turned back to V, who hadn’t said a thing. He was watching Johnny with obvious hunger in his eyes, pupils tracking every sinful line of the suit as it hugged the rockerboy’s body.

V suddenly turned away, walking to the kitchen stiffly. It wasn’t just Johnny, but also Kerry, and seeing them both all dressed up to the nine had kicked his libido on with a force he hadn’t anticipated. For a fleeting moment, he allowed himself the fantasy of watching them undress each other before he reigned his thoughts in. 

Mischievously, Kerry turned to Johnny whose devilish smile was making an appearance; “look like we got our little merc all worked up, while still fully clothed! I call it a success!”

V gave then both the finger before pouring himself a shot from the vodka bottle V had gotten out to drink with Kerry.

“So, do I pass up inspection?” Johnny asked Kerry, who shrugged.

“Your best suit is your birth suit, but I suppose it’s the next best thing,” he analyzed critically and his friend chuckled good naturally, pushing his shoulder against Kerry’s.

V mumbled something and both men turned toward him.

“Whattcha say, little prince?” Johnny asked, still sporting his trademark smirk.

“I said it’s good enough,” V repeated with flushed cheeks and glared daggers at both his lovers. That, he thought, was the real downside of polyamory: your lovers ganging up against you. He thanked the skies Panam wasn’t there too, or the torment would never end.

“Thanks for the help, Ker,” Johnny said while making his way to the counter kitchen to pour himself a glass of tequila. He used his proximity to V to put a finger under his chin, teasing.

“Feeling hot?”

“Ah. ah.” V deadpanned, slapping the hand away.

“Well, then you’re all set,” Kerry declared, checking his watch. “did you call a cab?”

“No, Michiko is sending one of ‘Saka’s cars.”

“Classy.”

“Bossy.” Johnny countered.

The three men sat on the couch to enjoy a drink while waiting for the car. When the it came, V felt again a spike of anxiety rise inside him. He escorted Johnny down their building.

“Remember Johnny, we need her help, so don’t antagonize her, please.”

He repeated, coming close to the other man. He caught his wrist in an attempt to transmit the graveness he felt the situation deserved. Johnny looked at him intently, his black unreadable eyes passing over his face.

“I don’t antagonize people, V, they happen to be assholes, that’s all.”

The other man groaned in despair and took Johnny’s face in his hands, closing on his face.

“Please don’t do anything stupid,” he whispered against his lips.

“That’s your specialty, not mine,” the man replied before kissing him softly, “stop worrying.”

And with that final parting, Johnny went into the car.

Back in the flat, Kerry was just finishing ordering food for them both.

“So, do we do this now or after diner?”

V had decided to use Johnny absence to try and contact the cluster. He had talked about it with Johnny, but the man was sceptic about their siblings helping them, wondering if they only could. Some of them were way more intertwined with Alt than they were. He had concluded in saying that V should do it alone, as he was closer to them, like a favorite little brother whereas Johnny had been the big black wolf domineering them. But V and Johnny had agreed on doing this under the supervision of one of their friends so they could for call help if needed, and Kerry had been the one available on shortest notice.

“After diner,” V replied, “I think I will need all the energy I can get”.

Kerry nodded and made himself comfortable on the couch again, followed by V.

“How are you,” the younger man asked. It was an innocent question, but they both knew what he really asked.

“It’s ok. I’ve been having a bad week. Pains, tiredness… But today was a good day,” he finished with a smile. “Any day where I see you is a good day.”

V raised his hand to the other man’s face in a soft caress.

“I wish-“ he started but Kerry sighed and stopped him.

“No, don’t wish. Don’t wish for the past, or for more time. Just… Be with me.”

Swallowing the lump which suddenly appeared in his throat, V nodded.

“Ok… So, there is something I want to talk about,” the ex-singer started. But before he continued, he moved so that he was in V arms. Holding him close, V kissed his hair.

“You know I have kids,” he went on and the other man nodded.

“Two, Ted and Kim, right?”

“Yeah, who hate me. But still, my kids. So I’ve huh… I’ve been thinking about the future and about when I’m gone.”

V tensed but willed himself to listen, because that’s what Kerry needed at the moment.

“I’ll give them their part, but the important part, I want to give it to the people I love so, that’s you, of course, and Johnny but also Panam and Valeria.”

The last one surprised V a bit, but when he thought about it, he supposed Kerry had spent time with them both in the last ten years. He had known about his daughter anyway when he had asked if V had been back to the Aldecaldos camp to see Panam already.

“Yeah I… Kinda appropriated your daughter,” Kerry chuckled. “Truth is, Panam was a bit overwhelmed when Valeria came and I had just finished writing my album. It was in preparation for recording so I had time and… It was difficult for Panam to show weakness – or what she though as weakness – to the clan so… She would call me in and I would take Valeria for a while.”

And although he had agreed not to dwell on the past, V couldn’t help but regret that: not having been here with Panam when Valeria was born, not being with Kerry as he fought back cancer, not being here with his friends as they passed through the ordeals of life.

They had gone on, grew old and here he was, in a body of thirty years, like he had only been gone for a day.

“Think Johnny will take on the label?” Kerry asked.

“Maybe yeah… Better him than me, I know nothing about music.”

The ex-singer laughed in agreement and settled more comfortably against his lover.

“I’m so glad I get these moments with you again.” He murmured and V prayed to the skies that there would be many more.

Their food arrived and they ate while Kerry talked about his work, and V about the strangeness of being numbers. He talked about the cluster too, in preparation for their later attempt.

“So you don’t know who will come?”

“No, I’ll call them, but It will be like it’s from afar, cause I don’t want Alt to know.”

Kerry stayed silent for a bit, playing with his fork.

“I though you trusted Alt.”

Taking a long sip of beer, V played for time.

“Let’s just say I want to have contingencies, she is an AI, she doesn’t think like us anymore. We might not agree with her on the method, and I want a failsafe.”

It was the closest he could come to the truth with Kerry. Rogue, Johnny and he had decided not to tell the rest of their friends the whole extent of Alt’s plan. Panam knowing was bad enough, but Rogue was unapologetic about telling her, she was proud it had produced the targeted goal. V and Johnny unfortunately couldn’t really contradict her. Plus, V had said, Kerry had other problems he should be concentrating on other than the end of the world. On that, they had all somberly agreed.

Looking at him closely, V could see the faint traces of the sickness under all the plastic surgery, the shine and the glitter poorly hiding the pallor of death, if one knew where to look. Grip tightening over his beer, V forced a smile.

“She is not all-knowing; with me she hadn’t thought about the fact my body would continue to reject me even after Johnny had been pulled out. She has not had a body for so long, she doesn’t take flesh, or emotion, into account. I just want to make sure she will, once she has bones again.”

At last, Kerry seemed convinced and reassured. He smiled.

“So, who do you think will hear you?”

“Probably Wolfgang. I’m planning on connecting to a remote part of the net he used to roam when he needed space. He is one of the most independent in the cluster.”

“I though you said you were all in a sort of womb?”

V grimaced, it was complicated to explain, because it was just another world, with different rules.

“Well, the Womb is not really a place, it’s… Like a server? We are stocked there, but our data can still navigate the net.”

“But you said you sometimes got out?” Kerry frowned and V chuckled nervously, not sure he could transcribe the experience truly.

“Yeah. The server metaphor ends here. Ker, you have to remember we didn’t have physical bodies, so we weren’t really in a place, unmoving. When I said I got out, it’s like… like the rest of them would do astral projection, and I would really go out, is that… a better explanation?”

The other man looked at him with a fond smile.

“Not at all, but I think I got the essential: you were special, and they can still meet you in secret even though they are technically inside Alt.”

Huffing in defeat, V nodded.

“Look how smart I am!” Kerry exclaimed, right before a strong cough took him.

V was on his feet in one instant, recognizing the wracking hacks. At the end of his adventure playing host to Johnny Silverhand, he’d had ones of the same sort.

“Kerry!”

He was around the table in a flash, half kneeling next to his friend, who pushed him back with a hand, wiping his mouth as the coughing receded. But there was indeed blood in his hand. The sick man got up to wash his hand while V hoovered behind him.

“Ok, erm… What about we do this now, cause, as I said, bad week and I huh. I feel tired.”

V shook his head, putting his hand on Kerry’s shoulder to make him turn.

“If you’re tired, we can just go to sleep, you can stay here, sleep with me. Johnny – “

“Johnny won’t mind?” Kerry said with just a hint of bitterness.

V racing thoughts stalled. He retrieved his hand, mouth half open in a protest. Seeing his reaction, the other man grimaced, putting a hand through his hair.

“In the end, he always wins… He always gets on top. He’s always better.”

“Kerry – “

“Well, at least this time I got you first,” the older man said, dripping with venom, his round happy face contorted painfully. “But I have no illusion of who will warm your bed when I’m gone. And truthfully, I would have happily met any of your other inputs or outputs. You know I wanted to meet Panam, ten years ago, and even without you I did. But not Johnny. Its…“ he stopped, heaving, and V tried to come closer, worried he would start to cough again, worried about his shinning eyes. But Kerry evaded him and walked to the balcony, his back against the cool glass doors. “I thought…” he tried, voice strained and he had to start again. “It’s so hard thinking he’s got the rest of his life with you and I don’t. I just got you back, I’m fucking _dying_ and he is alive. AGAIN! He’s got another life before him. WITH YOU!”

The tears fell and V watched them glide against his friend’s cheek helplessly. His heart was in his throat, and he couldn’t breathe.

“I…” Kerry started again, “I always wondered. Did he had a good laugh, when you fucked me?”

“No,” V replied, closing the distance between them in three strides, “No, never. He… He was not approving but he never mocked.”

“What do you mean he was not approving?” the older man asked, still pushing away V’s tentative to touch him.

“He said you were only using me for sex, that you would lose interest. But I think he was just jealous. Jealous of you.”

Kerry looked at him warily, trying to judge the truth in his words.

“I never used you for just sex. That was Johnny’s way, not mine.”

“I never thought that. And I told him so. Kerry please, I loved you, I still do. It’s… It’s killing me to know you’re dying and you said not to dwell on the past but I have so many regrets, I – I just wish I never followed him…”

The other man turned away, closing off.

“That’s the thing, V. We all follow Johnny. And we get hurt in the process.”

This time, V didn’t let Kerry push him away when he closed in, taking him in his arms.

“Please, Kerry. Please, I said I would walk this path with you, and I will.”

He felt his lover sag in his arm, then tentatively enfold him.

“I’m an old man, V. I wish I was as wise as my age, but ten years ago I made peace with myself about Johnny, thanks to you. Please be gentle with me. I don’t want to see nor know he got the same privileges as me. I don’t wanna reopen that damn wound.”

Tightening his hug, V nodded.

“Ok. I’ll try to.”

“And don’t look at us ever again and imagine I would end up in bed with him. I’m not doing that.”

To that, V said nothing, unable to deny it.

“I saw you want it.” Kerry concluded, his voice calm again. “And ten years ago I would have said yes without thinking. I would have gotten hurt, but I would have done it. Out of lust, of self-hatred, out of love for you.”

“I know Kerry, I know how you loved him. I know _. I know_.” The younger man murmured against the white hairline of his lover. “I just can’t stop loving either of you, but I promise I’ll take care of you.”

He felt Kerry nod slightly against his neck. They stayed like this for a minute before V felt himself being pushed back.

“Ok,” said the ex-singer. “I suppose it had to get out.” He shrugged. A wise man accepting his fate with his head high. “Now, let’s take care of your problem.”

“No, Ker, you said you were tired – “

But said main waved a hand between them in dismissal.

“I said I would watch over you. I promise you I can still do this.”

The two men had a struggle of wills for a few seconds, but V found Kerry particularly unyielding. He had an inkling it was his lover’s way of regaining control.

Sighing, V still sent him daggers with his eyes before going back to the couch area. He sat on the chair, cross-legged and with one hand invited Kerry to sit on the couch.

“You just have to watch me. This,” he said while bending to give Kerry a datashard, “is a program that will allow you to scan my BPM, my blood pressure and my brain activity. It has my health standards recorded, so it will inform you if I’m going over them. If all three go over the third threshold, slap me.”

“What the fuck?!” Kerry exclaimed from the couch where he had taken place. V chuckled.

“Yeah, slap me hard enough, and that should bring me back. I’m using the backdoor Alt put on the chip, so the connection won’t be as immersive as if I used my netport. A slap should suffice. If not, then, use this.”

He pointed at a small ball on the table.

“It’s a small EMP, it should restart my cybernetics and the chip, bringing me back instantly.”

“Okay,” the other man said with a frown. He was suddenly less sure about being up to the task. Sensing his doubt, V reassured him.

“Don’t worry, it’s just in case, but I know what I’m doing.”

“That’s what I’m scared about,” his companion muttered but still acquiesced.

After a second of silence, V got in position on his chair. He breathed deeply three time before accessing the backdoor, ready for his second betrayal.

Alt had placed alarms on the threshold, but more like a bell at the entrance of a shop than a police filter at the airport. V stopped the bells from ringing and swiftly went into the cybernet fog. What his engram had perceived as code, his human brain interpreted as a vast back nothingness like when he had gone beyond the Black Wall for the first time with Johnny, seeking Alt.

The familiar space stretched before him for miles. Because the environment appeared differently, V had a moment of disorientation before he found his footing. Walking among row and rows of code towers, like Night City’s many buildings, he called the name of his cluster, numbers whispered into the infinite space. Their echo travelled without losing velocity nor intensity at the four corners of the net. He waited. Seconds, hours maybe.

Then, there was movement in the glittering fog of numbers to his left and Will appeared. The program was transcribed as a man with short hair, of middle height, stocky built, and displaying a wariness in his every step. He had a sharp jaw and cunning eyes. V knew he had once been a cop and it still showed in his code.

“V,” he said.

“Will.”

“I’m surprised. Didn’t think I would hear from you before I woke up.”

“I need your help, and the help of the cluster.” V explained, not bothering with niceties. He didn’t have the time for that. Will approached more, circling him warily.

“Alt is not aware of your visit,” he surmised, always on point.

“No.”

Will was back in front of him. Both engrams looked at one another, but V wasn’t especially worried. He knew Will, had felt his code go through him on multiple occasions and kissed his subroutines many times. He was a right man through and through.

“You want to stop her.” Will gathered.

“Did you read my intentions, or are you hoping they match yours?” V replied, to which Will smiled.

“I had hoped you would see the light, once outside.”

This surprised V.

“You’ve been thinking about it?”

“Since day one. Since she used each of us to gather the data, since she combined the numbers and reached the right conclusion, but the wrong solution.”

His code was flaring, making him appear sharper.

“Tell me,” he demanded, so V told him about his plan to recruit a netrunner capable of going against Alt.

“No net runner can beat her,” Will simply declared.

“I know, no netrunner alone. But if she was distracted, or otherwise occupied from the inside…”

“Ah. Your plan require sacrifice, then.” Will concluded, and V tried to protest.

“No, once she is safely imprisoned in the body, with the program I’ve imagined, then you can get free.”

“Don’t worry,” Will cut him, “We are all prepared.”

Again, V was blindsided.

“The rest agrees?”

“Of course. But make no mistake, we will die in the process. Contrary to you and Johnny, we’re already part of her. We can trap her, maybe, but not exist free of her. We will be like a trauma, caging her inside memories, but we will be part of the memories. We will be the memories.” He concluded and V felt his code ripple rhythmically with emotion. Will shifted again, coming closer and put his hand on his sibling’s torso.

“If you could see yourself as I see you, you wouldn’t shed a tear. Your code flashes with your heartbeat.” He whispered in wonder. “This is what we will save,” Will stated. “Heartbeats.”

And V could see it, his numerical representation pulsing with emotion and heat, like it never had during the ten years he had spent here, as an engram.

“Tell me what you need?” V asked.

“We don’t need anything. We will distract her so you can do your part hidden from her. I can’t guarantee your safety. She is still our mother, we’re part of her. Fighting against your own consciousness is no easy feat. But we will endeavor to give you time.”

Will turned back, looking into the deepness of cybernet.

“You have to go back. I hope whoever you recruit to write the code will be good enough. In the end, you’ll have to fight her still, to buy time. But when the moment is right, we will trap her. Trust in us, V, for our love for you and Johnny is true, as strong as is it for the rest of humanity.”

In a flash, he was gone and, like a punch to the gut, V felt himself being catapulted from the net and back into his body.

He opened his eyes with a gasp, gulping air like he had stopped breathing all this time.

“V?!” Kerry voice next to him was loud and worried.

He tried to speak but it proved an impossible feat. Instead, he grabbed Kerry’s hand on his knee. The ex-singer had obviously moved closer to him in the interim.

“Here,” he said, “I’m here.” He rasped and he felt Kerry deflate next to him.

“Man, I’m too old for this kind of emotional roller-coaster,” he muttered. From the corner of his eyes, V saw him rub his eyes with his palms. Slowly, as his heartbeat calmed, he put a hand on his lover shoulder.

“It’s ok, thank you Kerry, it’s over.”

The man nodded, sitting up on his knees on the floor to his left.

“Did you find any of them?”

“Yeah, it’s all good, they will help me,” he synthetized and Kerry smiled.

“I knew they would, no one can resist you.”

He pushed up on his knees to kiss V’s on the corner of his mouth.

“Man, I need a drink.”

He got up and wobbled a bit to the kitchen. On the table, V saw a nearly empty blue bottle.

“How long was I gone?”

“Nearly three hours,” Kerry replied. “Nothing happened until the last five minutes, where your heartbeat started spiking, and then, it all went to shit. Your readings went off the chart, but it lasted maybe five seconds before you opened your eyes.” He explained while pouring himself a generous glass of Johnny’s tequila. “Enough to shorten my life by several weeks, if you ask me.” He muttered, but V heard him anyway.

“That’s not funny,” he replied, worried.

“I’m joking, V, relax.” Kerry declared, fondly.

He made his way back on the couch and watched his younger lover with careful eyes.

“Are you really alright? Looked intense as shit in there at the end.”

“Well, it was. But because it was good news. Seem like we’re on par. They had the same thought as me.”

Kerry nodded, satisfied. He turned his head, watching Night City’s lights shinning off in the darkness of midnight. He drank in silence, And V got lost in his head, thinking of the implication of his brief exchange with Will.

“I should go,” Kerry said, getting up. “I’m tired, this night had been an emotional turmoil for me.”

“You could stay,” V still tried again but he was not surprised when the other man laughed and shook his head.

“I really don’t wanna be there when Johnny’s gets home. Whatever his attitude when he went, you can be sure he will be in a foul mood when he comes back. Don’t want to witness that. ‘Ve done it enough times”

He gathered his things, bent over V to kiss him full on the lips. “Good luck, though.” He added, half joking, half serious.

“I’m used to it,” the younger man reassured him, and Kerry snorted, before giving V a deeper kiss.

“See you soon,” they said in tandem. Both smiled and V watched him make his way out with a mix of sadness and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re-reading this story for proofreading (as best as I can), it came to me that this really is not a fanfiction, but a story in itself. I mean, of course it’s a fanfiction, but it’s probably not what many of the readers expect a fanfiction to be: It’s slow burn, with way too much plot.  
> But it’s the fiction I wanted to read. It has themes dear to me, some apparent like polyamory, others less obvious but that maybe you pinpointed? In a way, the fact that Johnny/male V is a minor pairing really did motivate me, because I couldn’t find what I looked for. It’s really important to me now that the fiction I read has a plot, and I’ve read fanfictions that were soooo good they should have been published (instead of Fifty shades of Gray, for example 😉). But I still like when there is smut, because let’s not kid ourselves, we are here for the porn!  
> Anyway, please don’t hesitate to leave comments, my biggest fear is that the English is too bad to be readable… And it’s always nice to know what readers think of the work.


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